you want. Either push forward with me or pull back because your feelings for your husband are holding you back. It’s one or the other.”
Because I don’t want to hurt him, my heart feels compelled to argue with him about my feelings for Jim, but it would be a lie. I can’t do that. So, I quietly admit, “I know.”
David raises one of my hands and kisses the knuckles. His expression is sad, without any hope. I think in his mind we’re over, and for some reason, that loosens the tightness in my chest.
“Let me know what you decide,” he says softly, turning sideways and releasing his hold on me. He takes one step down, peering up. “Unless you already know?”
I shake my head. Because while I might mostly know, I still have some conflicting feelings I need to reason out with myself. “I’d like a day or so to think about it.”
There’s a small light flaring back in his eyes, and I hope I’m not leading him on. Would it be kinder to kill it now? But no, damn it. I do like David. If Jim had kept his damn nose out of my business, we would be progressing.
Ugh.
Still, I give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Goodnight,” he replies with a nod.
I watch David descend the steps before turning to let myself in the house. Lucy left the foyer light on, and I put my purse and keys on the table. After I set the alarm, I move through the semi-darkened house toward my bedroom.
Flipping on the light, I look directly at the bed Jim and I shared. We have so much history in that marital bed, and I miss those times. Jim and I are physically and sexually compatible in every way. I’m even going to say we’re emotionally perfect when we’re in bed together because we fuck with more than just our bodies. Our hearts were always in it one hundred percent.
With a sigh, I let my gaze move past the bed as I walk into the bathroom. If only we were emotionally compatible outside of bed.
My routine is the same as every night. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and put my long hair up in a loose bun tied with an elastic to keep it out of my face. I slather on some moisturizer, pull one of my soft sleeping t-shirts out of the drawer—mostly all Jim’s t-shirts—and slither into it.
Sliding under the covers, I check my text messages before turning out the light. As expected, there’s one from Lucy saying goodnight, which she does every night regardless if she’s in the house or not. It’s become our thing since we got her a phone last year. I shoot her back a heart emoji before placing my phone on the bedside table.
Just as I’m about to turn out the bedside light, I hear the whooping sound of an incoming text.
Assuming it’s Lucy, I grab the phone. I’m not sure what it says about me when I see it’s from Jim, and my heart leaps. The words are short and simple. In the backyard. Join me.
I’m not irritated by this. Slightly amused, a tiny bit exasperated as I am really tired, but the fact that my lips are tipping upward is proof he’s getting under my skin.
What exactly does that say about me?
Probably the same thing it said about the fact I thought about Jim far too much during dinner with David tonight.
That I didn’t want David’s kiss to go deeper.
That, yes, there are parts of Jim I miss, and I miss them greatly. His seeming desire to win me back has my emotions jumbled up horribly.
But for the moment, he has me charmed. I text back. Sorry, but I’m tired and am ready to go to sleep.
His reply is instantaneous. Get your ass out here. I have something you don’t want to miss.
A tiny shiver runs up my spine. I never minded the alpha, domineering side of Jim. That’s because I knew when he did that, I was the center of his universe at that moment. It was the times where he didn’t care enough to command me to his side that broke my heart.
I don’t bother responding, instead slipping out of bed.
I don’t bother with pants or even shoes. Jim’s old t-shirt hangs almost to my knees, and we have steppingstones from the back patio to the gazebo. It’s also dark, and I doubt I’ll be seen. I wonder