a letter to your mama, and his face went wrong. Why should I write her when she went off like that, what’s she got to do with me? he asked. You watch your mouth, Grandma Barlow said. It’s to make money to feed you that she went. She’s working a job and sending the money home and someday you’ll do it, too. I’ll never do it never, said Altemonte. You’ll do it and you’ll consider yourself lucky when you do, said Grandma Barlow. What about my dad? asked Altemonte. Your dad ain’t no better and he might be worse, Grandma Barlow said. Now do you want to find out quick about the misery of life or will you write the letter? What should I write? said Altemonte. Write her about your day about school about the pie I fed you about the arithmetic you’re learning, said Grandma Barlow. Altemonte wouldn’t show me what he wrote but worked at it with furrowed brow. What about me, I asked, should I write a letter to my mama? You’re going to see your mama real soon, my son, said Grandma Barlow. You’ve got visitation with her next week. With Mama K or with Mama L? I asked. With Lily Marshall, Grandma said, which sounded like a movie star or like someone I didn’t know. Grandma Barlow said, Your mama must be Delia Marshall’s granddaughter. That woman always did do things her own way. She was my mother’s great friend, and you should have heard those two telling the world what to do. Some things haven’t changed, women are still doing the talking, and still no one bothers to heed what we say.
After I started taking the blue pills with Altemonte, my special powers increased. I mean all the background noise died down to zero and when we played the PlayStation I could beat the levels, and at school I could do my Specials and I could read the tablet, and I started getting like one hundred percent. I wasn’t super-popular anymore but I didn’t care, I was like a ninja. A ninja isn’t super-popular. A ninja is just a ninja. A wolf is just a wolf. Elves and dwarves aren’t super-popular. They are entities.
I said to Altemonte, I am so focused, I am so clear, let’s climb out the window. So we did. And we went to the stone house.
At the stone house the moon smacked down off the chimney, blinding us. We crept inside. There was only enough room for two people, those two people were me and Altemonte. What should we do now? I asked, but then we both knew. We both knew at the exact same time. Altemonte said it out loud. I mouthed the words right along with him. We should dig a hole. We should dig a portal to the elf world, to the World of Two Moons or to Middle-earth, whichever world we got to first. So we did. We used sharp stones and sticks. We scraped at it and burrowed, and carried red clay out of the gnome house in our hands cupped together.
That was the first night but it became the second and the third. We were so sharp, we were so focused, I was like, How will we know when we are finished? and Altemonte was like, We will probably see some kind of light I imagine. We have to make it extremely deep. When the time comes, we will know.
My brain on fire became a goblet. My brain became the wizard statue chiseled out of the very stone that is holding a crystal ball.
The only downside was that my tongue tasted like I ate the pan instead of the food inside the pan, and my stomach felt like I swallowed the dish and the dishwater. First I pooped like ten times, and then for a week I didn’t poop at all. But I didn’t tell anyone.
I went to see the pancake counselor again and when he asked me how I felt, I said, I have found my soulmate he is Altemonte. We recognized each other. The counselor said, Don’t rush to big decisions, where did you learn the term soulmate? And I said, sometimes elves just look at each other and they just know that they will be side by side forever and there’s no denying it. It’s like what Mama L and Mama K are, I said, except it should make them fight less, but they fight anyway, and the Mean Aunt