if we can’t get Perley back. Might not forgive me no matter what happens.”
“Speaking of curiosity,” he said, licking the foam from his mustache.
“Better not,” I said.
“I just have to ask,” he said. “What about Perley’s dad? Why not hit him up for some money? Surely he owes you.”
“Perley’s dad?”
“That deadbeat’s out there somewhere,” Rudy said. “Right? I mean, how did Lily get pregnant?”
“So that’s what you’re after,” I said. “How long have you been wanting to ask us that?”
“Possibly seven years,” he said. “Give or take.”
“What do you want, beginning sex ed?” I asked.
“Could help,” he said.
“Lily’s high school friend overnighted us semen on ice,” I said. “Suspended in some special fluid. Finally, it took.”
“So that’s how you people do it,” Rudy said.
“End of conversation,” I said, pushing my stool back. Rudy took no notice.
“Does this high school friend have any money?” he asked.
“Rudy, get off it. He’s the donor. He’s not Perley’s dad,” I said.
“But legally?” Rudy asked.
“Suddenly you’re so into the law,” I said.
“Just spitballing,” Rudy said. “I mean, what’s this guy like?”
“He’s not like us,” I said. “He’s like, he’s a high-powered gay in Manhattan.”
“High-powered? You mean he’s rich,” Rudy said.
“Rudy,” I said. “We sent the guy some photos when Perley was born. That’s it. He doesn’t want any other involvement. Neither do we. That was the deal.”
Rudy said, “I get it, I get it. You don’t want to ask this guy for anything. I mean, shit, he could come on the scene at any time and claim Perley’s his kid and he wants equal time.”
“You have no clue what you’re talking about,” I said. “Trust me, he really loves the childless life. He loves his tiny dog. His apartment, everything’s white, not that I’ve ever been there. Plus, he grew up around here, never wants to come back. His slick friends probably don’t even know about his humble origins.”
“Damn, if it was my kid, though,” Rudy said. “I’m just saying. I’d want to protect myself.”
“I’m not worried about it,” I said.
“Then you’re a stronger man than me,” Rudy said.
“Drop it, Rudy. Right now, that’s the least of my worries,” I said. “And it’s none of your damn business.”
“Okay,” Rudy said. “Enough said. Thank you for indulging me.”
But I couldn’t make it through the rest of my beer, just sat there tipping it back and forth in the glass. This guy, this semen contributor, he probably had more legal rights to my kid than I did. We had worked hard to build a life and now I was seeing how fragile it was, how fragile it had always really been. I tried to picture this high school friend, who Lily hadn’t seen since she was sixteen, her one jaunt to the big city. When she agreed to have a baby with me she looked into my face, smiled slowly. There’s this guy I know, she said. Old friend, but I swear now that I think about it, he looks like you. Same coloring. Same bridge of the nose. Almost you could be twins. Let’s call him up. And over the phone he was agreeable, he was happy to hear from Lily, happy that she was in love. This is my good deed, he said. This is how I’ll get two scoops of raisins on my Kellogg’s Raisin Bran. Oh lord, that kind of joking, ripping off old commercials, I hoped that wasn’t genetic, I hoped Perley wouldn’t inherit that.
Rudy pushed his pint glass away. He tipped back the last of his coffee, redid his ponytail, stepped down off his stool.
“Library, is it?” he said. “I don’t have all day.”
“It’s nothing to worry about, Rudy,” I said. “We haven’t heard from him in five years, maybe six. He’s the one told us he doesn’t ever want kids.”
“Sure,” Rudy said. “But still, you never know. Suddenly this guy gets baby-crazy. Seriously, I’ve had bouts of it myself. His biological clock starts ticking and he comes after you, and then what? He’s the dad. I mean, how rich is he?”
“He has some kind of stock market job,” I said.
“Oh yeah, this rich asshole,” he said. “This yuppie is going to take your kid. If we can get Perley back in the first place, that is. Yeah.”
“Yeah?” the beer sat in my empty stomach, the warmth of the bar drained away.
“Shit’s fucked,” Rudy said, waving to the tender and holding the door for me. “One thing I’ve noticed is that rich people don’t seem to get themselves into these situations.”