Stars Over Alaska (Wild River #4) - Jennifer Snow Page 0,55
right. Oh God, what would have happened if he hadn’t pushed her away the other night? She’d be feeling guilty and embarrassed and awkward on top of everything else right now. Even more so. Thankfully, he’d had enough wits about him to see the impulsiveness of the situation for what it was... Still, his rejection stung. He didn’t want her? Not even in the context of a one-night fling that would mean nothing?
She took a deep breath and loosened her hold on him a little.
Levi was just a friend from her past helping her out in a shitty situation. Nothing more. He couldn’t possibly be more than that. She needed to remember that and not fall into the trap of vulnerability that would swallow her up before she had an opportunity to escape Wild River once again.
* * *
STOPPING IN FRONT of the cabin a few hours later, Levi turned off the Ski-Doo and removed his helmet.
About halfway there, he’d felt the atmosphere around them completely change. Leslie had stopped laughing, stopped smiling. She’d retreated once again. For a brief time, she’d had her body wrapped around him and he could feel the chemistry sizzling between them on the adrenaline rush through the woodsy trail. Then suddenly, it disappeared. Her body had tensed, she pulled away, creating as much of a gap as possible between them, and her mood had sobered. He had no idea what she was going through and the emotional roller-coaster ride she seemed to be on. She seemed hell-bent on keeping her guard up and he wondered what would have happened had he let something happen between them two nights before. Would she have continued to open up to him? Or would she have retreated even further?
Leslie avoided his gaze now as she removed her helmet and scanned what was left of her family’s cabin. Charred logs and wood beams, broken glass and roof tiles littered the plot of land where it had stood. Pieces of unsalvageable furniture, kitchen appliances nearly unrecognizable in the places where they’d once been inside the cabin. Everything else—photos, clothing, fabrics had been reduced to ash, covered by freshly fallen snow. It was tough to see and Levi swallowed the large lump forming in the back of his throat.
Leslie walked toward it, careful not to fall between cracks in the rubble, and stood among the remains of some of their best childhood memories.
Should he go to her? Would she appreciate that? Or did he give her space? Give her this time to process?
He wanted to go to her, provide any support or comfort she needed, but he suspected she wanted a moment alone and he couldn’t trust himself not to cross another line, so he moved farther away, examining the extent of the wildlife damage caused by the fire. They’d reached it early enough that the burn through the surrounding forest was minimal. They’d contained the damage to the wildlife, but unfortunately they hadn’t been able to save the cabin. Cleanup wouldn’t require much... He and Chad could handle it.
He still couldn’t believe it was gone. It had been a big part of his past—amazing memories had been made there, summer days and nights he’d never forget. Now it was gone and it was just another part of their shared past that he and Leslie no longer had.
Slowly, everything tying them together was disappearing and soon the only thing that would remain would be the completely useless feelings he had for her. And those had never been enough.
* * *
EVERYTHING WAS GONE.
Standing among the remnants of the cabin, Leslie was staggered by the force of the sentiments hitting her. It was just a cabin—four log walls and old furniture. In reality, the furniture fabrics had all faded to become unrecognizable, a lingering musty smell from the fires and wet clothing sitting on them, the beds had been uncomfortable paper-thin mattresses with springs sticking out and old wooden frames, the kitchen appliances were green and dated, having been owned by her grandmother. All items that no one had any reason to feel bad about losing; they were well past their expiration date. She hadn’t been there in years. If she hadn’t come back with Selena now, it could have been many more years before she’d be there again. Feeling this distraught was silly. It was just stuff. Stuff from her past. Stuff she’d already walked away from.
Yet the deep ache in her chest made it difficult to breathe in the frigid air.