Why had Ethan Collinder of all people got it in his head that it would be a good idea to kiss me? And why, for the love of all things holy, had that kiss left my lips so tingly and warm and my heart thudding wildly in my chest? The only time I’d ever felt such a visceral response to someone putting their lips on mine had been in high school when my first ever crush, a boy with a leather jacket and ripped-up jeans, kissed me behind the bleachers and told me my lips tasted like cherries.
I’d worn my cherry chapstick every day after that hoping he’d kiss me again. He never did.
And now I felt that same way. I wanted Ethan to kiss me again—or at least I thought I did. The kiss had felt good and wild, like a kiss should, but the man behind that kiss? I didn’t want him.
Surely, I didn’t.
My response was just because I hadn’t been kissed by anyone in such a long time. At least that was what I told myself.
As I closed in on the last mile of my run, I turned my podcast off. I wasn’t catching a single word of it anyway, so there was no point. I’d have to go back and listen to the episode on another day when my mind was clearer and my lady bits weren’t commanding so much of my thought process.
There was a good chance I wanted more than just a kiss.
I’d felt all hot and bothered since Ethan stole that kiss and I’d resisted treating myself to an orgasm at the mercy of my trusted vibrator upon getting home after work that Tuesday night. I’d been too afraid to get to the height of pleasure and have Ethan’s face flash behind my eyelids. What would that have meant, to see him at a time like that? At a time of complete vulnerability and desire? I didn’t want to find out, so it was safer to just not go there.
Which meant I was pretty pent up. The run was helping but not entirely.
I’d avoided him all day at work yesterday. After that kiss under his umbrella, I wasn’t sure how to act around him. I wanted to tell him to take a hike and never come that close to me again, but I didn’t dare get in close proximity to him in case I lost all self-control and decided I wanted more of him. That simply could not happen. He was loathsome. Infuriating. A child, really. He had the maturity of a sixteen-year-old boy. I couldn’t possibly be attracted to him.
Could I?
He’d avoided me too. In fact, he hadn’t come out of his office once yesterday and that was saying something for Ethan. Usually, he was the guy roaming the office looking for any opportunity to make small talk and socialize. He spent at least an hour a day in the break room making people laugh and he’d wander into Jon’s office at least once to chat. He hadn’t done any of those things yesterday. He’d stayed in his office with the door closed and so had I.
I came around the final corner and arrived at the cafe out of breath and sweaty. My face was strewn with rain and my legs were soaked. My upper body was dry thanks to my rain jacket, but I had to take that off when I got inside.
Miriam waved from her usual table by the window and I hurried over to drop gratefully into the chair across from her.
“Hey.” I huffed for breath while I patted my face dry with a paper napkin. “Sorry. The run kicked my ass this morning. I’m gonna need a minute to recover.”
Miriam had one hand on the stroller parked beside her and she was rocking it back and forth to soothe the stirring baby, Adeline, who was whining and grunting and sounding altogether unhappy. “No worries,” Miriam said. “You catch your breath. I have to run to the bathroom. Could you just rock her?”
“What? I, um, yeah, sure. Make it quick though?”
Miriam smiled and got to her feet. “Don’t worry. The worst she’ll do is start crying.”
I looked around the cafe. Every seat was taken. That was a lot of judgmental eyes to worry about. “Yeah, exactly.”
Miriam put a hand on my shoulder as she squeezed between the stroller and the neighboring table. “I’ll be quick.”
Miriam hadn’t been gone for thirty seconds when Adeline started to