Splintered Memory - By Natascha Holloway Page 0,95

in front of her, and she felt suddenly nervous. He had his work face on. He was calm and composed, and she knew that he was about to deliver bad news to her. She’d seen this look on his face at the hospital many times before.

She tried to distract him before he could say anything. She sat up quickly, and put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him. He pulled back from her, and he lightly took her hands from his face and placed them gently in her lap.

“I need to talk to you,” he said calmly looking at her and waiting for her to meet his eyes.

Emily looked up into his incredibly handsome face, and into his beautiful hazel coloured eyes, and she tried to smile brightly.

“Okay,” she said as positively as she could.

“I owe you so much. You’ve watched out for me, and supported me, and I know that without you I’d have probably lost my career,” he said putting his hand to her face and softly stroking her cheek with his thumb. “You’ve kept me on the straight and narrow since rehab, and you’ve been the best girlfriend that I could ever have asked for. But I feel like I’m not being fair to you.”

“Yes you are,” she said putting her hand to his face now and stroking his cheek with her thumb.

“Emily. I want to break up,” he said calmly. But she noted that his tone had a note of finality in it.

Her hand dropped from his cheek, and she could feel a lump rising in her throat and tears tingling in her eyes. “Why?” She asked.

“Both people in a relationship need to feel the same way about each other, and that’s just not the case here. You’re bringing far more to our relationship than I am,” he said; “and in truth I just feel too indebted to you.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” she said crying now. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “I should feel indebted to you, and I always will be indebted to you, but I can’t base a relationship on that.”

“Don’t you love me?” She asked through her tears.

She watched his face for signs of the answer that she was hoping for. His was after all a face that she’d studied like she’d studied for exams at school. She had seen him go to hell and back, and she felt sure that she knew his emotions better than even he did. She knew deep down that he didn’t love her, but she had hoped that he could learn to. That would have been enough for her.

“I’m sorry Emily,” he said taking her hands in his; “but I don’t.”

Emily dropped her head, and she felt her tears pour down her face with more urgency than before.

“Please Emily,” he said wiping her tears away with his thumbs; “please don’t cry.”

“Then say you love me,” she said desperately.

He looked into her face, and for the first time she saw his composure falter. She saw that his face was filled with guilt as he said simply; “I can’t.”

“Is it because you can’t love me? Or because you can’t love anyone other than Charlie?” She asked as she looked into his striking hazel coloured eyes.

He sat silently for a minute, and she knew that he was calculating what he considered would be the impact on her of his answer either way.

“Any man in his right mind should love you. You’re generous, you’re caring, you’re beautiful, and you’re giving in lots of different ways,” he said smiling his cheeky smile at her.

“So why don’t you? Why can’t you?” She asked refusing to return his smile.

“My heart got so badly broken,” he said; “that I’m not sure I’m capable of loving anyone anymore.”

Emily now felt terribly guilty. She’d been so consumed with her feelings, and her desires about being his girlfriend, that she’d never really considered the impact on him of losing Charlie. Yet now that she thought about this that was ridiculous. She had after all witnessed that carnage.

She’d seen the drinking, the drugs, the women, and she’d thought that they were all just short term coping mechanisms. She’d believed that he’d eventually move on with his life, but it was clear to her now in a way that it hadn’t been before that he hadn’t. She looked into his face again and she realised that not only had he not moved on, but