Splintered Memory - By Natascha Holloway Page 0,52

of uncertainty had overwhelmed him, and for some reason his mind had gone back to a very old memory. He was back in Charlie’s bedroom in Cheddar. He was sat on her window ledge, and he could remember thinking that even in that hideous blue dress that she had on he could love her forever.

He shook the memory from his head and opened the door. He walked straight through the living room into the kitchen, where he threw his keys onto the table, and he headed over to the fridge.

For no reason in particular he glanced across at the blackboard by the back door. He didn’t know why he glanced across at it, as it hadn’t been written on in months. Leaving messages on this had been something that he’d done with the old Charlie, and he wasn’t even sure that he’d told the new Charlie what they’d used the blackboard for. Yet as he thought this, he saw Charlie’s familiar scrawl on it.

I couldn’t fit everything on the board, so it’s in the letter by the kettle.

Matt turned and looked at the envelope that was resting against their kettle, and he walked over to it and picked it up.

He wasn’t sure what to expect as he opened it, but he knew that it wasn’t going to be good and he knew that he only had himself to blame. He’d walked out on her after they’d had sex, and then he’d ignored her calls. He was guessing that she was too embarrassed to face him, and the letter was going to say that she was spending the night elsewhere. He wondered if she’d gone to stay with Rach and Ben, and he wondered if he should give Ben a call.

Matt,

I can’t stay and be somebody that I’m not anymore, so I’m going to live with my parent’s for a while.

I wanted you to know that I really did try to remember. I tried for me, but I also tried for you because I wanted to be the same person that you’d lost.

You deserve the chance to move on with your life, and I’m sorry that I haven’t let you before now. I shouldn’t have compelled you to play the dutiful husband. It was perhaps cruel of me, and it hasn’t helped either of us.

I’m sorry that I did that, and I’m sorry that I can’t remember.

Charlotte.

Matt felt like his heart had just been brutally ripped from his chest, and that all the oxygen had been drained from his lungs. He’d honestly believed that he hadn’t wanted this Charlie. He’d thought that she was a second rate, lacklustre, impersonator, and that his life would be better off without her. Yet as he was stood faced with the prospect of never seeing Charlie again, he felt as though the walls were closing in on him. He was now totally alone, but what was worse was that he knew that he’d brought it on himself.

He looked at the letter again, and he noticed that she’d signed off Charlotte. Charlie really was gone he thought, she’d never have signed off a note or letter to him that way, but as the feeling of loss began to consume him he felt the need to take control of the situation. Unsure of how to do this, or even what was required in order to do this, he decided as a stop gap that he’d drink.

Matt walked over to the freezer and took out a bottle of vodka. He poured himself a large glass and dispatched it in one. It had little effect so he followed it with a few more, and when the effects of the vodka finally began to take hold he took out his phone and dialled the first number to mind.

“Hi,” Emily said.

***

Matt had taken advantage of Emily’s feelings for him, but he didn’t care. When he was with her, in fact when he was with any woman in a sexual way, he was able to block out thoughts of Charlie and momentarily suppress the hurt that he felt all of the time.

He didn’t like the man that he’d become, but he also didn’t know what to do about it. He knew that those around him were either too concerned or too disgusted with his current behaviour to confront him about it, and he was grateful for that. He knew that it was common knowledge that he’d been sleeping Emily, but then it was also no secret that he’d slept with half of