Splintered Memory - By Natascha Holloway Page 0,37

feel reassured by his presence, and that you trust him. Yet when he makes steps to move your relationship forward, when he tries to bond with you on a physical level and potentially re-ignite the connection that you once shared, you reject him.”

“Yes,” Charlie said nodding. “It just feels...” Yet she didn’t know what she thought it felt like.

She’d often wanted to kiss Matt when he’d leant in towards her. There was no denying that he was incredibly attractive – gorgeous even, and she knew that she was attracted to him, but when it came to the crunch. When his face had come towards hers, she’d panicked and every time she’d shied away.

“I think you’re scared,” Maria said; “and possibly, quite rightly. This is a man that’s known you intimately many times, and you have no memory of any one of those occasions. For you, it’ll be a new experience. It’s natural that you’re nervous, and I know that you’ll also be worried about how he’ll find the experience. But I think that you need to take this next step,” Maria said. “Then, and only then will you know if you can ever re-build any meaningful future with him.”

Charlie looked at Maria, and feeling the rising panic creep up from her stomach she asked; “but what if I can’t remember how?”

“Let him show you how. Let him guide you,” Maria said.

Charlie felt petrified and she could see that her hands were visibly shaking.

“Look Charlie,” Maria said. “You’re going to be scared, and truth be told so is he, but this is something that you should do. I’m not saying that as soon as he comes in the door you need to attack him.”

Charlie laughed.

“Maybe just talk to him about this. Talk to him about how you’re feeling, and about how he’s feeling. Maybe ask him about some of the times that you’ve been together in your past. Get comfortable and familiar with him about the subject. You were together a long time before your accident,” Maria said; “and I’m sure he won’t mind reminiscing with you.”

Charlie nodded, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to ask Matt about other times that they’d had sex. Just the thought of being this blunt about the subject sent shivers down her spine, and not in a good way. It wasn’t that she was a prude. She just didn’t have any confidence, and she honestly couldn’t imagine trying to find the right words to broach this subject with him.

She needed to do something else, something more impulsive than just a conversation. Matt had tried to kiss her a few times before, maybe if she was just patient he’d try again.

Charlie walked home after her session with Maria, and she contemplated calling one of her girlfriends. Wasn’t this the kind of conversation that she could have with one of them she wondered. The problem was though, was that she wasn’t sure if it was. Also even if she was sure she thought she didn’t know which one of them she could call. She really did hate not being able to remember.

She tried hard to think back to all the notes that she’d made after her accident. She thought she remembered writing something down about her closest girlfriend being Claire. Yet this struck her as odd now that she’d come to think about it, as out of all of her friends Claire was the one that she’d seen the least. In fact she hadn’t seen or spoken to her since she’d left the hospital.

Charlie took out her phone and scrolled through the pre-programmed numbers and lingered on Claire’s name. Claire had been to see Charlie a couple of times in the hospital, and both times she’d seemed bubbly and chatty, but since then Charlie hadn’t heard from her. Perhaps she’d been mistaken and they weren’t such good friends after all she thought.

She returned her phone to her bag smiling and thinking about how embarrassing it would’ve been to have called this Claire, and tried to have this kind of a conversation with her, only to discover that they weren’t really friends at all but more casual acquaintances.

Charlie’s thoughts returned to Matt and she decided that she would just play the waiting game. The next time that he showed any sign that he might touch her, or kiss her, she wouldn’t hold back. He really was incredibly good looking she thought, and then smiling to herself she imagined what it’d be like to kiss him and