I craned my neck to study the Autumn Palace. It sat atop a hill, surrounded by trees that were sleeved with red, gold, and orange leaves. From where I stood, it looked alight with fire.
“You don’t seem eager to go back,” Edan half teased. “I’m sure Ammi will have plenty of cookies and cakes waiting for you in the kitchen. That’s something to look forward to.”
I said nothing, only sighed and began twisting my hair onto the crown of my head.
Edan drew closer. “Don’t forget this,” he said, passing me a pebble to put in my shoe. I’d left Keton’s cane in the Summer Palace.
It had been so long since I had to pretend to be a boy, I wasn’t sure I could do it again.
I nodded silently, but my face must have shown my anxiety, for Edan held my cheek in his hand. “Everything will be fine.”
“Will it?” A hard lump rose in my throat, making it painful to speak.
Edan kissed me, so long and deep that even after he let go, my lips burned.
“It will,” he whispered. “I’ll make it so.”
I knew he was trying to make me feel better. But nothing could erase the pain of his departure.
Numbly, I said, “When will you leave for Lapzur?”
“The morning of the red sun. I won’t go until you finish the dresses. Not until I see that you are safe.”
His words did nothing to comfort me. I wiped the corner of my eye with my knuckle. “I told you I’m coming with you….I won’t have you go alone.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
He held me and thumbed off the tears falling down my cheeks. “Do you recall when I healed your hand?” he said quietly. “You said you wanted to repay me.”
It felt so long ago. I lifted myself from his arms. “Yes.”
“I want you to do something for me.”
I didn’t like the tentativeness in his voice. “I’m listening.”
“When I leave for Lapzur,” Edan said slowly, “I want you to go home to your family and give them this.” He opened his palm, revealing a fourth walnut no different from the ones I had used to trap sunlight and moonlight.
“A gift for your father and your brother,” he said. “It has a drop of Niwa spider blood, among other things—it’ll bring some happiness back to your family.”
My breath grew ragged. “Edan—”
“Put it in their tea,” he interrupted. “And yours. It’ll make you sleep. And when you wake, you’ll be happy too.”
I frowned, unable to read his dark, impenetrable eyes. “No magic tea is going to make me happy, Edan. Not without you.”
“Please.” He touched my lips. “Trust me.”
I tucked my head under his chin and inhaled. But I made no promise.
* * *
• • •
It was nearly dusk when we reached the Autumn Palace. The moonrise cast a glow on the red and orange leaves, and I couldn’t help but feel we were like moths inside a lantern. Trapped.
I had wondered if we would arrive before Edan changed. I could tell he was about to—the yellow in his eyes grew brighter as the moon overthrew the sun. But as soon as we reached the palace gates, the glow in his eyes dimmed.
“Tell His Majesty that his Lord Enchanter and imperial tailor have returned,” Edan commanded the guard.
The great red gates before us creaked open, and we dismounted. Edan took a deep breath. Suddenly he looked fuller, taller.
He opened his palm, and there was a blue wildflower for me, like the ones he’d given me in the Mountains of the Moon. “This one won’t wither.”
I wouldn’t take it. “I like the old ones,” I replied. I’d pressed them in my sketchbook.
Edan nodded mutely, and the flower disappeared. The gates were open wide enough now for me to see the gardens inside. Shadows flickered. The last few moments Edan and I were free.
“I’ll try to see you whenever I can,” he said. “I can’t promise it’ll be often. Khanujin won’t be pleased that I’ve been gone so long. He’ll keep me by his side.”
Before I could reply, Minister Lorsa arrived to escort us into the Autumn Palace. From his expression of surprise, I knew he’d expected me to fail.
I wished I had.
Lorsa folded his arms, his bright blue sleeves billowing behind him as he set off at a brisk pace. It was like that first day I’d arrived at the Summer Palace. Lorsa’s clothes were the same, and the same jade pendant and giant red