Spiked by Love (Bellevue Bullies #6) - Toni Aleo Page 0,89
neither am I, but I feel like I’m in a little deeper than you are, and it makes me nervous that you won’t get there.”
His eyes burn into mine. “Can’t give me a chance?”
“I mean, you’re the one all closed off to the thought of it—”
“But I’m trying,” he insists, his intense gaze not faltering. “Do you feel I’m not?”
My mouth is dry. “It’s not that. It’s just that I worry it was so easy to do so with Jasmine—”
“For fucking fuck, can we leave that in the past?”
I press my lips together, my eyes narrowing. “Why are you being a jackass?”
“Because I thought we were doing great, and then you say that. I’m trying, and you’re the one who said you’d be patient.”
“And I am. But I don’t want to rush off, telling everyone that we’re together, and you decide you can’t feel what I feel, and this ends.”
It’s as if I’ve hit him. “That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I throw back at him. “Be honest. When we tell them, they’ll get excited and plan our wedding and name our first child. Are you ready for that?”
I can see the terror all over his face, but to my surprise, he says, “Yeah, it scares me, but I can handle it.”
“That’s what I mean. It scares you. I don’t want to do anything until you can look at me and want those things.”
“Ally, it’s been three weeks.”
And I’ve been in love with you for years.
I press my lips together and sigh heavily. “You’re right.”
He reaches out, taking my wrist in his hand. “I do love you.”
I shake my head because he doesn’t mean it the way I want him to mean it. “In the best friend kind of way, like we’ve always had. That’s not the problem or even why I am saying what I am.” Our eyes meet, and I can see the apprehension swirling in his gray depths. “Ash, I know I mean so much to you. But when I say that I’m past that, up on the next level, I mean I’m open for anything because I want you. Us. I feel like you’re stuck where we’ve been, and I need you to join me.”
He seems surprised. “I didn’t realize I was behind.”
I bite the inside of my bottom lip, lacing my fingers with his. “Which is why I’ve brought it up.”
He reaches out, cupping my face in his hand. He runs his thumb along my lip, and slowly his lips curve. “I’ll get there.”
“Sooner rather than later?” I ask with a small smile, but he doesn’t smile. It’s almost like I’m talking about one of those articles in a psychology journal that make him mind-numbingly bored. “I think as soon as you unlock all these feelings, you’ll find you’re already there.”
He brings me close to him. “The thought of losing you freaks me the fuck out, Ally.”
“You won’t, Ash. No matter what, I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always be your best friend.” I run my thumb along his jaw. “But I want to be more, so much more. Just hand over your heart and let me show you.”
His eyes drift shut as he presses his nose beside mine. Our lips are right there, but neither of us moves. We take in deep breaths, and I love the closeness. I almost think he’s fallen asleep, but his eyes blink back open and he whispers, “I’m really trying, Ally. I am. I’m just terrified, and you’re the one person I would ever admit that to.”
“You don’t have to be,” I promise, my eyes meeting his. “I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.”
His lips capture mine, and with each kiss, we get hungrier and hungrier. It’s just so easy, as if we fit together. Just as all the bulbs on the jumbotron make a picture, we could make a future. I only wish he could see past what we’ve already had and see what we could become.
I pull back, breathless, my gaze meeting his. “Could I hurt you? Yes, we fight about the stupidest shit, Asher. But I would never break you. Have I before?”
He searches my face with his eyes, his gaze falling onto my lips before meeting my eyes again. “No.”
“Then trust that. Trust me.”
“I do trust you, Ally.”
Doesn’t he realize that means he can love me? Never in my life have I wanted so badly for a man to love me like I do with him. I see the love in his eyes;