I could have asked for. I need you to know I miss you and I will miss you. I need you to know that I had the chance to say goodbye and Danny didn’t. I need you to know it’s not your fault that I have to say good-bye.
Goodbye, Aunt Greta.
Ella-Beth
When I finish reading the letter, I’m scared to look up at Bambi’s face. I’m scared to hear what she’s thinking or what she wants to do. Being who I am, I’d fly or drive out to wherever this kid lives, and I’d lock her up until the thoughts of suicide went away, but that’s not how this world works. This world watches. This world sits down with a bucket of popcorn in front of the news and watches the world blow up around them. I’m just not part of that world. I’m part of the world that’s in the explosion. Or at least I was.
As I swallow my thoughts, I look over at Bambi and see that she has her hand cupped over her mouth, and her eyes are squeezed shut. Her body is shuddering, and quiet sobs are breaking through her clenched jaw. I wrap my arms around her and place her head on my shoulder, letting her cry, letting her get her pain out. She’s taken the blame for everything that happened that day, and now I realize most of that is because of the blame her sister has put on her. How could anyone do that? I haven’t lost a child, so I don’t know what must be going through her sister’s head, but I know there’s no way someone as innocent as Bambi was that day should be blamed for this.
Bambi wraps her arms around me and squeezes tightly. This cold ice-cube of a person is breaking down, and it’s tearing at my heart. “We need to find her,” I say softly. “I’ll help you. We’ll do what it takes to save her.”
“We don’t have to find her,” she says through quiet cries. “She’s here. In the office. She found me this morning. I got this letter two days ago, and I’ve been trying to find a way to reach her, but she found me first.”
“She’s here?” I ask.
Sniffling, Bambi breaks away and points behind me. I turn and find Sasha climbing back into Tango’s truck. What the hell is she doing here? All of them for that matter. “One sec, don’t go anywhere,” I tell Bambi. I hand her back the letter and jog over to Tango’s truck.
From a few feet away I hear Sasha yelling at them to drive. What is going on? Since Cali’s driving and hasn’t put the truck into gear yet, I pick up the pace and approach the truck, poking my head into the window where Sasha’s sitting. Tango’s sitting sideways across the back bench, and for the life of me I can’t figure out how the asshole got back there with his leg like that.
“Don’t,” Sasha says to me.
“Don’t what?” I snap back. “Really, Sasha? Don’t…give a friend a hug who just received disturbing news? Because that’s what I was just doing, so I’m not sure what you’re telling me not to do right now, but I’m not sure it’s necessary.” Sasha looks at me for a long minute with confusion and anger swimming around in her sky blue eyes. “You’re being ridiculous.” I can’t help saying what I’m saying. It needs to be heard, though. “Look, I don’t know what kind of guys you’ve been around in the past, but this whole thing isn’t flying with me. I’ve told you I wanted to be with you. I wanted to start something and see where it goes. Evidently, that means nothing because I had the nerve to climb into your bed this morning without telling you about Landon because I wanted to handle it first before I scared the shit out of you. And for your information, Bambi and I go way back because I pulled her ass out of an explosion in a supermarket four years ago. So if you’re going to tell me ‘don’t’ maybe you should be a little more specific.”
“The one in Candlewood?” Sasha asks with hesitance, ignoring everything else I just said.
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Want to know more? I’ll tell you everything you probably don’t want to hear if that’s what you want.”
“I thought you lived in Boston?” Judging by her simple response, it’s as if my anger isn’t affecting her at