“She’s my best friend, Jags. You need to clarify yourself a little more,” Cali tells me.
“Look, does Sasha need to know what a real dick feels like or does she have enough experience to say she’s lived a little?”
“Oh, no, she hasn’t lived at all. According to her, Landon’s dick was the size of a pencil,” Cali says while slugging down half of her beer.
“Wait, she’s only ever been with pencil dick?” I clarify.
“I’m not even sure we can say she was with him. She said he had a hard time getting hard so who knows how far his pencil actually got. I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you this. Sasha would want to hurt me if she knew I said anything.” No wonder she’s afraid to live and experience more. “So, okay, just so we’re clear…you want her to get some real experience before you jab her with your cannon?”
“That’s not it,” I tell her. “She won’t actually go through with this. By the time she actually agrees to go home with some dude, she’s going to realize she’d rather come home to me.” I follow Cali’s lead and slug half of my beer too. It’ll be the first of many tonight.
“That’s a pretty sick game, one you could easily lose. Why even push her to do something like that if you want her to come back here to you? And I’m not too sure I like the idea of this. There are so many freaks out there, and God knows who she might go home with tonight.” Go home with. Hmm. I didn’t consider the thought of it going that far. It won’t. She wouldn’t.
“I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak. Chicks don’t look to me for a relationship, and the only reason Sasha wants one is because she hasn’t experienced the luxury of not having to commit to someone.” That’s my reason for all of this, and I need to stick with it.
“Have you ever considered that maybe no one will commit to you because you tell chicks you like to go suck another dude’s dick?”
“Just to be clear, I never suggested she suck someone off.”
“Well, exactly what do you think is going to happen when you send her out to get laid. Did you give her a list of rules…what is and is not allowed to happen?” Cali asks, sarcastically.
I get it. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I need to know that I’m not a rebound for that loser, Landon. I don’t fall for girls like I seem to be falling for Sasha. I do like her, and I want to see where it could go, but I need to know her feelings are purely for me and not just the result of an ache in her groin she doesn’t want to admit to. If she sleeps with some guy and then comes back to me with that cute little smile of hers and the big googly eyes she doesn’t realize she’s giving me all the time, then I’ll know she truly likes me for the right reasons. I’d rather lose a chick this way rather than realize later on that she’s found someone with fewer tattoos and who’s a little less rough around the edges to settle down with.
“I think you’re being an idiot,” Cali tells me.
“Just help her find someone, okay?”
“It’ll be my pleasure to get that girl laid. Trust me,” Cali says. For some reason, the way she says this…does make me second guess my plan, but the second ends quickly and I remind myself it’s for my own good.
“But don’t let her fall in love with him,” I tell her as she stands up from the couch. “And make sure she uses protection.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she says, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. Cali finishes the rest of her beer and slaps the glass down on the table. “Tyler needs to go to bed by eight. No scary movies and she can’t have beer yet.”
“Got it, Boss. Just tequila.”
“Shut up, Jags,” she grits while walking toward the hallway. “Sasha, get your cute ass out here! It’s time to go, pretty lady,” Cali yells. I hear a bunch of clatter from down the hall, followed by Sasha walking into the living room. Holy, hot damn, I’m making a huge ass mistake. “I knew that dress would look awesome on you.” Cali is admiring what I believe to be her handy work and tugs at