side. “Sure, Jags…but I have an odd question for you first.”
“Yeah, what’s up? Do you need me to do something? Can I go get something for either of you guys? Anything you need, just name it,” I say, standing up way quicker than I should have with this pain in my back. I do my best to hide it, though. I don’t need Cali asking me what’s wrong when her husband is all wired up down the hall.
“No, no it’s nothing like that,” she says. “It’s so weird, though. Are you Irish?”
I jerk my head back slightly with question. “Yeah, why do you ask?”
She laughs in response. “I figured.”
“Why do you say that?” I ask.
“I could have taken a guess by the color of your hair, but it’s more blonde than red, I guess.” She folds her arms over her chest and grins.
“What does my hair have to do with it?”
“Oh, nothing at all,” she laughs again. “But when I saw that your pubes are red, I just sort of finalized my assumption that you’re Irish.”
Oh fuck. I take my phone out of my back pocket and open up my text app. Why did I even assume Sasha’s number was the last person I texted? I don’t think I’ve ever texted her. I didn’t even look to make sure I was texting her, either. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, obviously. My dick was thinking for me, and my dick doesn’t have a goddamn brain. “Uh,” I laugh. “You got that text?”
“You didn’t mean to send it to me, did you?” she asks, smirking.
“Not exactly,” I sigh.
Cali tosses her phone to Sasha, who just looks incredibly confused. “I think this was meant for you,” Cali says, laughing. With Cali’s cunning grin wider than I’ve ever seen, she squats down, looking toward the corner where Tyler is engrossed with a coloring book. “Ty, want to go see Daddy now?”
“Oh, dear God!” Sasha shrieks. “What in the world is…”
“That’s called a penis, sweetie,” Cali says over her shoulder. “Men use it to pleasure women.”
Sasha looks horrified. I probably look horrified too. I don’t usually get uncomfortable around this subject, but my dick is the actual subject, and I shouldn’t have…never sending another dick-pic again.
Her eyes are large and staring right at me. “You’re…”
I quickly recover, and I can’t help the shit-eating grin spreading across my face. “I know, right?” I’ll just go with it.
“Okay, well, there is a family bathroom down the hall if you need to go get a closer look, Sasha. If you can manage to wait, though, we’re going down to Tango’s room now,” Cali says.
Sasha doesn’t move from the spot she’s standing in so we all walk by her, knowing she’ll most likely follow. She does, quietly, and far from me. She’s thinking about it, though. She’s wondering how it’ll all work. I’m such an awesome dirtbag. I know women.
We walk into Tango’s room, and the guy looks miserable. He’s washed out, and the pink hospital gown he’s wearing does nothing for his skin-tone. “Hey, jackass,” I say, patting my hand down on his shoulder. “How goes it?”
“Not so good, man,” he mutters.
“I can see that,” I say, inspecting the metal contraption they have his leg being held together with. “You in a lot of pain?”
“Nah, they’ve got me on some strong shit.” Tango twists his head to look at me and offers a fist. I pound it. “Thanks for being the only one to help me out today.”
“Anytime, man.”
“Jags made sure to make a show of his half naked body while wrapping my leg up,” Tango tells the girls. “It was pretty funny. He was all big hero style. I’m sorry about your shirt, though. I think it might need to be burned now.”
“No problem, one of the nurses found me a t-shirt.”
“What else did this nurse find for you?” Tango cackles, but stops laughing quickly when he realizes how much it hurts to laugh with a broken rib. Been there, it sucks. He clutches at his stomach. “Okay, no jokes for at least a month.”
“Very funny, bro. She was like seventy,” I tell him.
“Hasn’t stopped you before,” he says with a cocky half-grin. I can feel Sasha’s stare burning a hole into my back right now.
“Okay, okay,” I say, hoping he’ll cool it.
“Oh and you can keep your dick-pics to yourself. I’m not even out of commission for one day, and you’re already trying to seduce my wife.” Tango tries to laugh again