him, making him feel like a bad person. So he started drinking, hoping to find solace in the act of being drunk, and to find someone to give him the things he desired so desperately. Love and partnership and warmth. And a family.
But the story had a twist, a minor character who sat in the sidelines, never suspecting or imagining that they would become one of the main characters in another person’s story. Lawrence detailed his infatuation with an older man. A man who he saw regularly, multiple times a week, and whose presence eventually became painful for him.
Lawrence detailed how he couldn’t keep this person out of his thoughts, and had a hard time containing himself whenever he was in his presence. He talked about how having a relationship and eventually a baby with this man was, truly, all he wanted for Christmas.
In the assignment Lawrence described this man, what he looked like, how intoxicating his scent was, and the fact that he was the head of the literature department at Haverford College. That isn’t the name of the college where I am head of the literature department, but a pseudonym that loosely covered up Lawrence’s declaration. But not very well, because it was fairly clear that the man he spoke of was me.
I wasn’t exactly sure what to do once I finished reading the essay. I set the paper down on top of the pile, then looked up at Lawrence. He was still sitting there quietly, slumped forward and staring at the ground, with his arms folded in front of him.
I wanted to order him to stand up and come over to me. I wanted to tell him to take off his clothes and sit down on my lap. I wanted him to spread his ass cheeks apart, then slide himself down my cock, then ride it for the next hour. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not yet, anyway.
“That’s one assignment you have completed out of …” I quickly looked him up on my class spreadsheet. “Eight. You’ve missed seven other assignments, Mr. Brady.”
He looked up at me, his eyes bright and sparkling. “I can make them up. All of them. If you just give me a chance, I promise I will.”
“The holiday break is starting next week. I’ll expect you in my office every day at 9 a.m. You’ll do your make up assignments here, and any exams you’ve missed, and you’ll help me grade papers. Two weeks, that’s how long I expect you to come here and work here to make up for the classes you’ve missed. Do you agree to that?”
“Yes! I’ll be here! I promise, sir.”
“All right, then, I’ll see you on Monday.”
Lawrence got up and walked toward the door, but before he opened it he turned back to me.” Sir?” he asked. “What did you think of the assignment? The one you just read?”
I stared in my hands for a long moment, then turned and looked Lawrence. “I thought it was very well written, and very compelling. I think you are a beautiful writer, and have skills you’re not even aware of. I would give you an A, but that would imply there isn’t any need for improvement. And I don’t believe that is the case, because I feel there is a lot I can teach you, if you’re interested. A lot about discipline, and respect. A lot about knowing your place. But I can also teach you how to know yourself better. How to use your own skills to please yourself and those around you. You’re a very striking and competent young man, and I think you could pick up on things very quickly. Do the things I’ve just mention sound like anything you’d like to explore?”
“Yes,” he said, lowering his head slightly, but keeping eye contact. “I’m very interested in learning anything you want to teach me.”
“Then we’ll start on Monday.”
3. Lawrence
“What do you think he wants to teach you?”
I stood there staring at Carl with all of Professor Lewis’s words swirling around in my head. “I don’t know!”
“But you told him how you feel about him?”
“Yeah, basically. I mean, he had to know I was talking about him. I made it pretty obvious in the essay.”
“What did you write about him, exactly?”
I was still stunned by the interaction I’d just had with Professor Lewis, and I was spinning everything I’d said in the essay around in my mind, so going over it with Carl was easy. “Well, I talked about