can’t make it right, I have to do this alone.” I didn’t have any faith in Ian understanding. My actions were cruel and wrong. I just hoped for the baby’s sake we could be friends and co-parents.
“Ian?” I blinked and waited for my eyes to adjust to the dim light in the barn.
“Go away, David. I need to be alone with my thoughts and my anger.”
“Okay. I get that. And you have every right to be furious but can I just say I’m sorry.” I took a step toward the direction of his voice, a pen at the end, piled high with straw. “At first I refused to believe I was pregnant. Ignored the signs for weeks. Had no nausea or tiredness and threw myself into work, not wanting to acknowledge what was staring me in the face.”
I peered into the stall. Ian was sitting against the wall staring at a goat lying on the floor with a newborn suckling at her. “Ohhh, is that Gertie?”
“Yeah. This is her first.”
Not waiting for permission, I sunk onto the floor beside him. “I’m scared, Ian.”
“As long as you don’t get close to the little kid, Gertie won’t hurt you,” he said.
“No, about the baby. Our baby.”
He stiffened. “The child you were never going to tell me about.” He twisted toward me. “If it hadn’t been your mom’s birthday, when would I have found out? When the kid turned 18 and came looking for me.”
The weight of what I’d done crept over me, making it hard to breathe. I’d hurt Ian badly by not fessing up. “I was frightened.” I held up a hand as he made to speak. “Not of you. But of seeing the disappointment in your eyes. And I don’t know how to be a father.”
“Does anyone? It’s all trial and error.”
He was probably right. “Despite my huge cockup, I’m hoping you’ll want to be part of this baby’s life,” I told him. I patted my belly. “We both want that.”
“Of course.” He flicked a straw stalk. “But with you not living here, it’s going to be hard. I’ll miss out on a lot.”
“Good news on that front. I applied and have been accepted for a transfer. My company is opening a branch office here and the higher ups were impressed that I wanted to return to my hometown. So, ta da, I’m the new manager.”
“Congratulations,” he said, a wide smile on his face.
“We’ll be less than thirty minutes away from one another so you’ll see the baby every day if you want. We’ll be at the farm visiting Mom and Dad and during my paternity leave I’ll probably live with them.”
“I’d like that.”
We sat in silence as the goat’s newborn took her fill of her mother’s milk and closed her eyes. Gertie lifted her head. “Hear that old girl? David’s coming home.” Ian glanced in my direction. “She’s been my confidante these few months.”
“Oh yeah. What have you been telling her?” I asked. “Spilling one another’s secrets?” It occurred to me Ian would have discovered Gertie was going to be a mom before learning of his own spending fatherhood.
“How much I missed you and wished we were in one another’s lives.”
“Oh.”
His hand crept over the straw and covered mine. “You’ve caused me a lot of pain, David by keeping the pregnancy a secret and it’ll take a while to get over that. But I will. Perhaps when you start the new job, we could go to dinner.”
“It’s a date.”
10. Ian
“Come down, you idiot.”
David was yelling at Mac who was up in the treehouse and hanging out a window while I trailed over the grass dabbing at the drool around Gracie’s mouth. Our daughter was wide awake and staring at me, her big blue eyes identical to David’s.
With Viv and Rob’s help we’d bought a house. And not just any house. Their old home. Sarah and Mac had contributed as well, so it wasn’t just ours. It was a family home. Perfect for adventures and secrets and full of memories.
The siblings raced around the garden, up and down the three stories and pointed out things they remembered from their childhood.
When it’d come on the market, I’d been reluctant to buy anything but a new build. Old houses came with a heap of problems, but after we’d inspected it and David pointed out the people his parents had sold it to had updated the kitchen and bathrooms, I’d seen the house’s promise.