A Spear of Summer Grass - By Deanna Raybourn Page 0,136

on the other bank, rolling over slowly from side to side in the mud to cool herself.

“I hear you’re leaving us,” she said.

“Word travels,” I replied, smiling.

“You’re an idiot. And so is he.”

“Thanks for that. You’re the one who told me not to get involved with him at all, remember? Or was that just a tidy piece of reverse psychology to push us together? I know you told him I wasn’t a stayer. Was that another bit of manipulation to get him to fight to keep me? Never mind. It doesn’t matter now. None of it does.”

She shook her head angrily and seemed about to change the subject then decided to plow on. “You’ll be miserable in London or Paris or New York. Have you thought of that? You’ll be standing on some stupid street in a stupid city wearing a stupid frock and you’ll be struck straight to the heart, wondering what is happening here, what we’re doing then. And you’ll be sick over it, sick as a parrot.”

“That’s quite a picture you paint,” I said lightly.

“It’s the truth.”

“Things are complicated,” I told her. “And they’ll be less so if I leave.”

“Why?” she demanded. “Because loving hurts? Grow up, Delilah. Life hurts. It’s only the strong who survive. It’s only the gamblers who aren’t afraid of rolling the dice who really live.”

I sighed. “It’s no good, Tusker. I can’t stay here for crumbs. I thought he wanted me, but all he offered was a sham engagement. He’s far more concerned about his conservancy. I’m only ever going to be an afterthought for him. And to continue your gambling metaphor, if I were going to stay, it would have to be for a man who was willing to go all in.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” she said, flapping a hand irritably at a bug.

“It’s a poker term. It means when you are so sure of what you’re holding that you risk everything. You put every last bit you have on the line because you are that sure you’re going to win.”

She let out a little scream and tugged at her hair. “Oh, you impossible little wretch! Don’t you even realise that’s what he’s done?”

“What are you talking about?”

“He has gone all in. The day he went to Nairobi it wasn’t just to buy Fairlight. It was to sell everything else he owns in order to raise the money. The coast house in Lamu, the dukas, his cane fields. It’s all gone.”

My mouth went dry. “Don’t be stupid. Ryder already has money. His father made a fortune in the gold fields in the Yukon.”

“And squandered it in a year! Everything Ryder has, he earned. And he sold it all to buy Fairlight, not for some stupid conservancy project, but for you, you little fool.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

She rolled her eyes. “I have horses with more wit than you, girl. Because he didn’t want you to feel beholden. He wants you here because you want to be here, because you want him and this life enough to give the rest of it up. Why do you think he’s willing to go along with the preposterous lie about you being his fiancée? Because he’s hoping one day it will happen.”

She finished with an air of triumph. I put down my peaches.

“He can’t marry me. His wife is—” I broke off.

“In Cairo,” she finished smugly. “Where he went when you were sitting in jail in Nairobi. It cost him a fortune, but he got his divorce. The minute you stepped in to save Gideon, he knew he’d have to get rid of that slut wife of his so he’d be free to take care of you. It was only a matter of time before Government House bowed to pressure and chucked you out of the country. He wanted to be free to offer you marriage to keep you here.”

“But he didn’t—”

She shrieked again. “What man would? Good God, you’re the most footloose woman he’s ever met. He knew if he proposed sincerely you’d bolt for Mombasa. He’s figuring if he can just keep you here, eventually you’ll come around and realise he’s worth twenty of any other man you’ve ever known.”

I shook my head. “Stop it. Stop saying things like that. You’re confusing me.”

“Why? It should be crystal clear to you. He is as desperately in love with you as any man has ever been with any woman. You want poetry and heartfelt declarations? He has sold everything he owned, everything