Sparks - Wendy Higgins Page 0,9

but it was worse for him because it had been my choice. He’d hounded me, begging to hang out and give him another chance, telling me I’d never find a man who would love me as much as he did.

Shawn sat back down, a fresh drink in hand, and smiled at me, shaking me from my heavy reverie.

“Let’s rewind a little,” he said. “Back to you choosing to become a flight attendant instead of a teacher.” My stomach dipped. “What do you think was behind that choice?”

I stared at him aghast, because how freaking weird that he would ask me when I was just thinking about it.

“Unless you don’t want to talk about it?” He eyed me. “Not trying to pry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Maybe it would be good for me to verbalize some of it. “Um, okay, so, my three best friends from high school all got engaged within a year.”

“Okay.” He ran a finger along the rim of his cup and I watched his fingertip move a little too closely. His nails were trimmed nice and short.

I cleared my throat and forced my eyes up. “Yeah. Well, I’d had a boyfriend since…forever. Don.”

“Okay,” he said gently.

“We got together our junior year of high school and ended up going off to college together. We were really close. Like, best of friends and all that. He was my ride or die, but…”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t feel the way I should have, you know? I loved him so much, but not like that.”

“Not sexually.”

“Right!” I blurted, relieved that he nailed it. “That aspect had never been good. He was more like a brother. In all our years together, I could never, you know, when we had sex—”

“Have an orgasm?”

“Yes!”

His eyes bulged. “Never?”

“Not from anything we did together.”

His eyebrows went up. “From…other guys?”

“No! From, you know, my own self.” Oh, gawd.

“Ah.” He cleared his throat, smiling tightly down at his drink.

My cheeks heated, and my head felt light. I was wayyy buzzed.

“So, anyway.” I took a long drink. “We jumped on the bandwagon and got engaged but it felt wrong. I kept finding excuses to put off setting a date. But once I graduated, I knew he was ready, and I just couldn’t drag it out any longer. It was awful.” My voice thickened with emotion and I cursed my stupid burning eyes. “And everyone was so mad at me. All my friends. Because why would I let go such a nice guy who clearly loved me so much?” I wiped the corners of my eyes and took another drink. “That’s when I saw the ad. My parents couldn’t believe I was going to waste my college training. I had a teaching job lined up, and I just felt smothered and horrible. I needed to get far away from everything.”

“That had to be hard, but you did the right thing. You wouldn’t have been happy. A broken engagement is better than a divorce.”

I know this guy was basically a stranger, but his words still felt like a balm. I didn’t realize how much guilt and regret I still carried until I put it all out there.

“And I know your friends and family are sad or whatever, but it’s not their life, and hopefully they’ll come around. You’re the one who’d have to live with that decision. I’ve seen enough of my men and women jumping into marriage for the wrong reasons, and there is always hell to pay, both emotionally and financially.” I lost myself in his bright blue eyes while he spoke, but his words made me wonder.

“You’re like a relationship guru. Have you been married?”

“Nah.” His eyes shifted down. “I’ve been engaged a couple years, though.”

My drink stopped halfway to my lips as my entire body razed with hot coals. I slowly lowered my hand. “You’re engaged now?”

With his head bowed, he slowly lifted his eyes, almost regretfully. “Yes.”

I nodded as my gut cramped. And then nodded some more. I nodded way too long until my horrible eyes began to blur. Those crystal blue eyes were watching me with what I could only call regret. A strange sense settled deep in my belly, like a warning from my intuition telling me I was in a danger zone. I began to stand.

“Harlow—”

“Just running to the bathroom,” I said.

I moved quickly through the bodies, my thoughts shouting louder than the music.

Of course. Of-fucking-course he was engaged. Of course the good-looking man who had spent the last hour making me feel special was already taken. I