Sparks - Wendy Higgins Page 0,13

I had this constant pit in my stomach knowing I was missing Bennett grow up. I felt fucking jealous of everyone who got to hear him say his first words and do all that shit. She sent me videos and we did video chats whenever the timing worked out, but it sucked.”

“Yeah,” I said, feeling his pain inside my chest.

“When I got back, I was like, let’s get married. Let’s find you a job near base so you can meet people and have a life there. Let’s get a babysitter and hang out with other couples. Let’s be a fucking family. But she wasn’t having it. She didn’t want to live there. It was like she and B were just visiting, and whenever I’d leave for any amount of time, they’d leave.”

I grimaced. “Sounds like you were really craving a home and stability.”

“Yeah. I was. But I felt like a selfish asshole for it.” He finished his drink. “And then she started talking to me about when I was getting out of the Marines, and how we could live near her parents, and how her uncles could get me a job in the tactile business.”

“Uh-oh.” I could tell from his tone that was not his idea of a dream life.

“Yep. She knew when we met that I wanted to be a lifer in the Marines. I want to be a General someday. I’m in for the long haul—thirty years or more.” I nodded, still feeling the tightness in my chest. “When B turned two and she was ready to go back to work, she got a job right there in Charlotte. Even my fucking parents moved there so they could be near him. So, I became a geo bachelor. I worked and lived at Camp Lejeune, and I traveled to see Natalie and Bennett in Charlotte whenever I could. It’s about a three-hour drive.”

“Does she come see you too?” I asked.

“Rarely.”

“Okay,” I whispered. I was trying really hard not to judge or overstep with my commentary, biting my tongue like crazy. “But you ended up getting engaged?”

Another dry laugh. “When Bennett turned three, I told her I was having a really hard time with the arrangement. I said we needed to come to some agreements about our life and our future, that it wasn’t healthy for us to never be together. So, she said fine, let’s get engaged. That was two years ago, and nothing’s really changed except the label and a ring.”

I stared at him, and he groaned.

“I know,” he said. “I can see it in your eyes. It seems really fucked up, and I know how it sounds. To be honest, I’ve sort of gotten used to the traveling part of it, and the phone and video part. And we do love each other, you know?”

“Of course,” I said. Then I sighed, but it came out sort of like a low and sultry hum, though what I was really feeling was kind of sad.

“Don’t do that.” He eyed me over the rim of his cup.

“Do what?”

“That humming sound.”

I made a confused face and he made a face back at me, both eyebrows raised as if I’d done something intentionally naughty.

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “I was just sighing.”

“Well, I’m too drunk to hear a sound like that from a face like that.” He pointed at me and my heart leapt in my chest.

If I was sober, I would not have pressed. “You don’t cheat on her, do you?” I had a feeling he’d be honest with me, and I hoped he was the kind of guy who was able to stay faithful even in the face of aversity.

“No.” His face was solid and very sober-looking in that moment. “I’ve never cheated.”

“Okay. That’s good. I respect that.” We both took long drinks.

“Look, I know my relationship’s not conventional. And I know I’ve only told you the shitty stuff, but there’s a lot of good too.”

“Of course,” I said again, trying to ignore the fact that he sounded defensive, like he was trying to convince his own self. “I can’t imagine you’d stay together if the good didn’t outweigh the bad.”

“Exactly.” He went to take another drink and realized it was empty, so took a piece of ice into his mouth instead. Ugh, that stupid, hot mouth that I was not allowed to be staring at.

Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. There was Jerome Smith, again, filling up Shawn’s cup while his body moved to the beat of Missy