but I had to get past that quickly, because in the passenger seat was a man who’d stood beside me during my storms, and now it was my turn to do the same for him. I turned the key in the ignition, put my foot on the gas, and away we went.
When we arrived, the outlook wasn’t good. Jax brought a book inside with him, and the doctors informed him that there wasn’t much time left for Cole, said Jax should prepare to say his goodbyes.
He didn’t say a word to his father about his feelings. He didn’t express his love or gratitude. He didn’t share stories about how his father had changed his life. Instead, he sat and read War and Peace. He read chapter after chapter until his emotions began to get the best of him. When it became too much, when the words wouldn’t fall from between his lips and the heartache began to drown him, I took the book from his grip, and I began to read the words for him.
32
Kennedy
Cole took his last breath on August 5th. I was there with Jax when it happened. We sat inside the hospital room, the nurses giving us space as Jax witnessed his father’s lungs inhale and exhale for the last time.
After it happened, Jax turned to me and lowered his voice. “Is it wrong that I’m somewhat relieved he’s gone? Is it selfish to think that he can no longer hurt me? Does that make me a monster?”
“No,” I said, taking his hand into mine. “It makes you human.”
The day of the funeral, the sun was out, but the world felt gloomy. It was a small gathering of people that met at the graveyard; Cole hadn’t wanted a ceremony. Jax’s brother, Derek showed up with his fiancée, Stacey. Eddie and Marie came, along with Connor, Yoana, and Nathan. Everyone who cared about Jax was there to surround him.
My heart began to skip a beat when I turned to see another figure walking toward us. Joy was approaching the cemetery, and when she reached us, she took a place right beside Jax.
He turned toward her, shocked that she had finally left her house after so many years. “What are you doing here?” he asked her, confusion filling his stare.
Joy gave him the kind of smile that makes all broken hearts heal. She took his hand into hers and held it tight. “I go where the love is,” she calmly replied. “Which means I go where you are.”
My heart almost exploded as I witnessed them sharing this moment.
“Thank you, Joy,” Jax whispered.
“Always,” she replied.
When it came time for Jax to say a few words, he wasn’t certain what should be said. “Most of you never knew my father, and those of you who did, you didn’t know him to be the greatest man. It’s ridiculous for me to pretend he was a good father to me, because he wasn’t. He was cruel, and hard, and most of the days, I hated him, and still…” He took in a breath. “You ever hate someone so much and still miss them at the same time? That’s how jaded my love for my father is. All I ever wanted to do was make him proud, even down to his final days.”
Jax reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the novel he’d been reading to his father. “This was the book my father saw my mother reading the first day they met. He said he read it because he wanted something they could connect on. I’m not going to lie and pretend my parents had a great relationship, because they didn’t. They had flaws, like us all, but this book connected them, and I wanted to finish reading it to him before his last days so I could find a connection with him, too. I fell a couple chapters short, which is how I felt about our relationship in general. We fell a couple chapters short.”
Sniffling, he brushed his hand beneath his nose and shrugged. “I hope he finds peace in the darkness, and I hope wherever he goes, morning will come, and he’ll be given another chance at finding his light.”
He lowered his head as his emotions overtook him. I hurried to his side to hold his hand. Eddie moved in too and took the book from his hand.
“What are you doing?” Jax asked.
“I’m going to read a few chapters,” Eddie said, flipping through the pages. “Because the book is not