real; I just knew she was the first thing in my life that made me feel alive. I kissed her as if time was running out. I kissed her for our yesterdays, and I kissed her for tomorrow. And then I kissed her again.
If she was a dream, I planned to sleep forever.
We went back to her house that night, and she invited me in to get cleaned up. We took off our shoes in the foyer, and she led me to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and took off her clothes, leaving her bra and panties on. For a second, I thought I was back in my fucked-up snowman dream as I watched her step inside the shower.
“I figured this is the best way to get the stickiness off of our skin,” she said as my dick twitched from the sight of her.
Yup. Any second now it was going to start snowing over our heads.
She waved me over, and I suspiciously took off my clothes, too, only leaving my boxers on. The water raced over us, and I couldn’t stop staring at her. She was so fucking beautiful in every single way. The way her wet bra and panties clung to her skin made me want to rip them off of her body, but I controlled my desires.
Truthfully, just standing near her felt like a gift I didn’t deserve.
“Hands,” she said.
I held mine out toward her. She squirted shampoo into my palms and then added some to her own, and we began shampooing each other’s hair. As the sugary ice cream melted off our skin, I wanted nothing more than to push her up against the wall and slide so deep inside of her that she’d have no other option but to cry out my name.
Instead, I stayed still, taking my cues from her.
When we finished rinsing the shampoo out of our hair, she tilted her head up to look at me. Her full lips were rosy and her cheeks were high as she smiled my way.
“Basorexia?” she whispered as our lips slightly parted.
“Basorexia,” I replied.
Our lips fell together, and they stayed that way all night.
23
Jax
“You’re happy,” Joy commented as we sat on her front porch for our morning coffee. It was going to be a busy day with plumbing jobs around town, so I was thankful to take a few moments with her to ease into the day.
I was also thankful for being able to wake with Kennedy beside me in her bed. We hadn’t had sex, but we had stayed up late into the night talking and kissing and kissing some more. When she fell asleep in my arms, I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to let her go again.
I smiled over at Joy and nodded. “I am.” Her eyes watered, and I laughed. “Don’t cry, Joy.”
“Happy tears, sweetheart,” she said, patting my hand. “Just happy tears. You know, you’re like the grandson I was never able to have. You mean the world to me, and all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“Thank you, Joy, for always being there for me.”
“That’s what family does, honey. We stay together through the good days and bad.”
Even though she wasn’t my blood relative, Joy Jones had been the biggest part of my family over the past few years. After Derek left, I felt very alone. If it wasn’t for her, I might’ve never made it to the place I was today. I’d never be able to show her enough gratitude for the way she loved me even when I didn’t have a clue how to love myself.
I looked down at the cup of coffee in my hands. “Part of me feels like this good feeling doesn’t belong to me…as if the universe placed it on me and is going to take it back when it realizes I don’t deserve it.”
“If there’s anyone in this world who deserves this good feeling, it’s you, Jax. Don’t spoil it by thinking about what could go wrong. Don’t wash it away trying to figure out the ins and outs of the future. Be here now with life, because right now is all we have. Take it from this old fart—happiness stays where you allow it to be.”
The sun beamed down on us as I snickered to myself and shook my head. “Is it crazy that I think I’m falling in love with her?”
“The best thing in life that we can ever do is be brave enough to love.