big cloud of bad,” I said, wrapping my arms around my mid section and rocking back on my heels. “But I know it wasn’t like that with you and Grace. I know there was a lot of good.”
“It was all good,” Bear confirmed. “Even when she was mad at us. Even when she was disappointed with us. It was still good because she actually fucking cared when no one else did. My old man wanted a soldier, not a son. Grace wanted sons, so it didn’t matter what we did or how bad we were or what decisions we made. She loved us. First person in my life who ever said that to me, who I actually believed.” His eyes met mine. “Until you.”
“Tell me more about her,” I said. We walked over to the couch and he pulled me onto his lap, resting his head on my shoulder. He took another swig and passed the bottle to me.
“She bought me condoms once,” Bear said with a chuckle.
“What?” I asked, trying to keep the whiskey from flying out of my nose. I was relieved to see the small smile that appeared on his face. The sound of his brief laugh warming my insides just as much, if not more than the whiskey.
He pulled me back in close and continued, “I went over to her place one day. She was always asking us to help her out with the garden and the trash and fixing light bulbs and shit, and honestly, I didn’t mind. I felt like I mattered when she told me to cut my nails or showed me the proper way to place a napkin on my lap when I ate, or rolled her eyes when I belched at the table.” His smile reached his eyes as he recalled that day. “On this one day, I went into her kitchen and there was an industrial-sized box of condoms on the table. Grace was sitting there with one of those green label makers in her hand, turning the dial and humming to herself. When she was done, she peeled off the label and slapped it on the box and handed it over to me.”
“What did it say?”
Bear laughed. “It was my name in big bold letters and under it she’d written BECAUSE MAMA GRACE CAN WAIT FOR GRANDKIDS A WHILE LONGER.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“She told me that she wasn’t a spring chicken, but that she was a pistol back in her day and that she knew what went on out there in ‘that club of yours,’” Bear said, attempting to mimic Grace’s voice and failing miserably. I passed the bottle back to him.
“She sounds amazing,” I said, trying not to engage the tear threatening to spill from the corner of my eye.
“She was amazing,” Bear said softly, staring at the dead TV screen across the room.
“Too bad you lied to her about the condom thing,” I said, feeling his smile against my hair.
“I never lied to Grace about that. Or about anything. I always wrapped up, every single time.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and pull back to look at Bear’s face, who I’d have sworn would be laughing hysterically at his lie, but instead, he was sitting there straight faced. “I mean it, Ti. Never forgot a single time until you, and honestly, it wasn’t about forgetting. I needed to be as close as possible to you. I needed you to feel every single inch of what I was giving you,” he said, his voice dropping a couple octaves, making my skin come alive with awareness. “Still need to.”
“We should probably talk about what would happen if—” I started, but Bear cut me off.
“Ain’t nothing to talk about. Shit sucks right now because things are so uncertain with the Bastards, but Ti you gotta know that you carrying my kid ain’t gonna make me run. I’m a grown man. It’s not like I don’t know what can happen. What will happen if we keep going like this.” He tipped my chin up to him. “I want to keep going like this. I like the idea of you all fat with my kid.”
I playfully pushed on his chest. “She threatened me,” I announced, trying to change the subject and trying to get the hammering of my heart under control. The smirk on his face told me that he saw right through me, but he humored me anyway.
“What?” he asked, not sounding the least bit surprised.