The Sophomore (College Years #2) - Monica Murphy Page 0,86

does he have to toy with your emotions like this? Why can’t he just give in and tell you what you want to hear?”

“Because maybe he doesn’t feel that way about me. I don’t want him saying those things if he doesn’t mean it.” My words are logical, as are my thoughts. And I tell myself it’s okay if he doesn’t actually feel that way about me.

But it hurts. It hurts like crazy because why else would he get jealous over Carson? Is Jackson that much in denial? Or is he one of those assholes who doesn’t want me, but doesn’t want anyone else to have me either?

I’m guessing the latter. So many guys are like that. It’s such bullshit.

“It’s okay if that’s the case,” I continue since Ava hasn’t responded. “I can move on. Eventually.”

“Yeah, I know you can,” she says softly, her eyes glowing. “You’re such a good person, Ellie. And you have such a big heart. If Jackson can’t see your worth, another guy will, and he’ll give you the proper treatment you deserve.”

“I know. You’re right. Thank you.” We hug again. Her words are reassuring. They make me a feel a little better. Though deep down inside…

All I want is Jackson.

We arrive at Strummers thirty minutes before they open the doors. The line is wrapped around the building, nothing but teenaged girls as far as the eye can see. I rode over to Strummers with Eli and Ava, feeling like a complete third wheel. They are all over each other, Eli acting like he can’t take his eyes or hands off of her, and by the time we’re out of the car and headed for the venue, I’m walking far ahead of them so I don’t have to witness their slightly sickening display of affection toward each other.

It’s definitely a me problem and not a them problem, that’s for sure.

I spot Diego, Jocelyn, Gracie, Hayden, Tony and Caleb already standing in line, and I rush toward them, laughing with Gracie and Hayden as they wrap me up in a group hug.

“We haven’t seen you in forever!” Hayden says, squeezing me extra hard. “Are you avoiding us?”

I am going to miss them so badly. I don’t want to end our friendship, and I won’t. But I’m definitely going to keep them at arm’s length for a little bit while I work on getting over Jackson.

“I’m not avoiding you,” I tell them both with a smile. “I’ve just been really busy. Working a lot.”

“God, I know. School is such a grind,” Gracie says, rolling her eyes. “I’m ready to graduate.”

“G, we have two more years,” Hayden reminds her. “Well, a little less than that, but still. Buckle down, babe. We’ve got a long way to go.”

We talk about school. Classes. Tony joins our conversation, wrapping his arms around Hayden from behind and holding her close. Eli and Ava arrive long minutes later, which makes me wonder what they were up to. Probably making out. Now they’re hanging all over each other and everyone greets them enthusiastically, especially Ava. Caleb hangs back from the group, on the complete opposite side from where Gracie’s standing, and I wonder if those two have had another spat.

I feel for them. I really, really do.

Once the doors open, it’s a mad rush to get inside. Normally by this point in the night, I’d be texting Jackson, wishing him luck. Gushing over his potential performance and reassuring him that he’s going to do great. But I do none of that. I don’t text him at all, because damn it, I want him to miss me.

I want him to miss me so badly, he’ll realize he needs me in his life after all.

The inside of Strummers is jam-packed with people. Jackson is the main attraction tonight. There’s a band opening before him, and I feel sorry for them. These girls aren’t here to see them. They’re all Jackson Rivers’ fangirls, just like I used to be.

Used to be. Ha.

Still am.

Caleb worms his way through the crowd of overexcited females, indicating that we should all follow after him. We make a human chain, linking hands as we move through the thick clusters of people, trying to get closer to the stage. There’s no advanced admission tickets at this place. It’s first come, first serve and the floor is open. This is where I’m grateful for the big football players in our group. They just push their way through the crowd, Caleb always being the most aggressive