The Sophomore (College Years #2) - Monica Murphy Page 0,102

firmly. “I can tell. And it’s okay. I’m still not ready to do this, I don’t think. Especially now.”

“Why especially now?” I ask with a frown.

“Because I’ve got you.” He reaches across the table, settling his hand on top of mine. “If I were to make a record, I’d probably have to leave the football team. Eventually even drop out of school. Record. Tour. Make publicity rounds. Appearances. Whatever. It would take up all my time. I’d never see you.”

I frown. It’s his secret dream, becoming a recording artist. A rock star. Playing music for a living. He’s told me that more than once. I don’t want to be the one who crushes his dreams. “We could make it work.”

“Could we, Ellie?” His tone is serious as he links his fingers with mine. “We’re finally really together, and you’d be perfectly okay with me leaving for months at a time? While you’re here at school? We’d be living separate lives.”

No. I wouldn’t be okay with any of that, but I’d figure out a way to deal with it. “I don’t want to be the reason you give up.”

Just like I put so many expectations on him, I don’t want him to put a bunch on me either. The pressure would be too much. Being responsible for his future is a lot. Watching him give up on something he’s worked toward these last few years isn’t what I want for him.

Not even close.

“You’re not. I’ve come to realize I’m just not that good,” he says, his voice light. As if it’s no big deal. But it is. This is a huge deal. And I don’t believe him. I think he’s just trying to convince himself. “I don’t necessarily fit a certain mold. I’m just doing my own thing, and I don’t think I’m marketable.”

“You had other record labels wanting to sign you,” I remind him. “They thought you were marketable. Because you’re unique. You’re not the same old pop star. You have a little more edge.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my biggest fan,” he says with a smile. “And did they really believe I’m marketable? Or were they momentarily caught up in the hype?” He shrugs, pulling his hand away from mine. “Maybe I’m already a ‘has been’ at nineteen.”

“Jackson…” I start, but he shakes his head.

“I still need to process this,” he says, his voice firm. “And I really don’t want to talk about it anymore. Okay?”

I slowly nod, trying not to frown. I can tell he’s upset, and I don’t want to make it worse. He’s struggled the last year with all of this. The sudden local fame, and how fast it grew. The attention from social media, and the record companies. How he turned them all down when his friends—including me—thought he was crazy. Why not jump on the opportunity when it’s being presented? He should’ve.

He’d never say it out loud, but I think he’s almost—scared of fame. Scared of the responsibilities. The expectations. The pressure. He’s not one who deals well with pressure. Not at all.

And maybe now he’s regretting his life choices, and I wonder if that includes me.

No, not me, I think as he watches me, his eyes full of emotion, his perfect lips curled into this knowing half-smile. I can’t help but smile in return, the both of us barely looking away from each other as the server arrives with our meals. He’s happy with me.

I can tell.

Twenty-Nine

Jackson

“I don’t want her going back to school,” Eli says to me as we watch Ava and Ellie sitting together outside at Ava’s parents’ house. We were all invited to the Callahans’ home Saturday afternoon for a barbecue and it feels like everyone is here, except Jake and his girl and Autumn and Asher Davis.

Ash went pro. Autumn is the newest Instagram sensation, gathering lots of followers as she documents her new life as the fiancée of a future quarterback superstar. Jake is too busy kicking ass on the USC football team. Hannah is in art school, doing what she loves.

I’m jealous of all four of them. I can admit it. They’re doing exactly what they want, and enjoying every minute of it. While I’m stuck in between two worlds, not sure where I fit in. I love football, but I’m not getting the chance to play. I love making music, but I’m starting to realize I was a damn fool for thinking I could actually be successful at it.

It was a mistake, not agreeing to

readonlinefreenovel.com Copyright 2016 - 2024