I do it for me. “An orgasm is better than any drug,” I say.When you think about it, people get high to escape, to forget things, to release stress, and to leave their entire mortal existence. So how is that different than an orgasm? In a way the most natural, always available, free high is inside your body.
Ms. Switzer says poets used to call an orgasm “death” because it’s one of the only times you can leave your body and consciousness for a few seconds without being dead. “There’s wisdom in that,” I tell Eric.
I tell Eric about only some of the guys I had sex with before Michael, maybe half. He says it’s okay that some people like to have sex more than others. And after covering all the safety things, like STDs and rape and stuff, he changes his story and says he’s really concerned and wants to be sure I’m doing it for the right reasons.
“I’m sorry, it’s weird to say this,” I confess flippantly, “but I just like to cum.” I quickly look to see how he’ll respond. I stare straight at him because I know it makes him uncomfortable and sometimes I just like shocking people.
Eric sticks out his lower lip and nods his head, like he’s impressed with my answer. Then he opens his hands from their prayer-like position in a sort of gesture of acceptance. “Women have certainly come a long way. There was a time not too long ago that a girl would never admit that. In fact, she’d probably never even experience an orgasm until she was older. It’s great to have confidence in your sexual needs.”
“You people make such a big deal about sex. Especially girls doing it. When guys play around, it’s no big deal. I bet you have guys in here that screw around and you don’t say anything to them.”
“Sure I do. I call them on it right away. I try to encourage them to take the girls’ feelings into consideration.”
“Some guys get mad at me.You know, for not doing anything back? Like last weekend I was with this Craig, who’s sort of geeky. He went down on me because, you know, that’s as much as he could ever get from a girl like me. I mean, sometimes they’re just lucky to get anything. So he went down, and then after that he was like, ‘Okay, now my turn,’ and he started to undo his fly, and I was like,‘No way!’”
Eric was so engrossed in my story that he forgot his therapist-self and laughed in amazement. “So he basically serviced you?”
“So? That’s what guys usually do, isn’t it? Anyway, it pissed me off. Like really pissed me off. He made such a big deal of it. He got so mad, he started spreading rumours at school about me being a slut and a whore.”
“Of course, the name calling is totally unjustified. But I’m kind of surprised you got so angry at him. That you wouldn’t think that this sexual act you’re both engaging in would lead him to conclude he was going to get some pleasure in return. Did you know it’s actually painful for men to be aroused for
long periods of time without release?”
“Blue balls. So?”
He pauses. Swallows. Licks his lips. Recrosses his legs.“I just don’t want you to be in a dangerous situation. Some men can get quite aggressive if their needs aren’t met. You really need to be careful.”
“It wasn’t dangerous. What are you saying? Return the favour even if I don’t want to?”
“No,” he says firmly. Clears his throat again. “No. Of course not.”
“So I don’t get it, then. What are you saying?”
Eric moves again in his chair. It squeaks. Suddenly things become awkward. “I guess I’d like you to take into consideration your partner’s needs. Healthy sex is often about two people, mutual pleasure. It’s not a singular act, or else it would be masturbation.”
“Okay. So what do the guys do when you tell them that? Do you think they listen to what you say and start to get their girls off?”
“I can’t change anyone’s behaviour, Melissa.”
“You know what I think? When you say it to the guys, I think it goes in one ear and out the other. And you probably don’t lose any sleep over it.”
“Let me ask you something. How do you feel when it’s over? When you go home and you’re falling asleep in bed? Do you feel sad? Empty? Happy? Lonely? Exhilarated?”