Someone I Used to Know - By Blakney Francis Page 0,69
I could provide, and neither one of us had any sort of reliable support system,” I breezed through my reply. That, at least, was an easy answer to give.
“And those were the real reasons?” She leveled me with the calculative edge that sliced right through my deflection.
“It was the truth.”
“But not all of it?”Her eyebrow quirked as she took a shot in the dark and hit a bull’s-eye.
My flinch betrayed the truth she’d just uncovered.
Nancy Drew looked nearly delighted as she laid out her plot, “In The Girl in the Yellow Dress, Adley doesn’t tell Cam about her decision to put the baby up for adoption until she admits to going to the agency weeks after it happened. He never really knows what made her make the choice.”
And how could he, when I’d made all the decisions for us. By the time I told him, my mind was set in stone, beyond questions or explanations. It was never his choice. I never let him have it.
I took a deep breath. “I gave up so much after I found out I was pregnant. I left my family without a second thought. That’s how much I loved him.”
“So you decided to give up your baby because you were unconsciously punishing him for taking away your family and ruining your body.” Madeline cut me off, rambling out an excited version of her own explanation.
“Jesus! Is that what you really think of me?”
“You just take so long to get to the point that my mind starts to run laps around yours.” She didn’t look all that apologetic.
I forced down my irritation, but my voice still clicked with sarcasm, “I’m so sorry. This isn’t really something I like to think about. I’m just kind of blurting out everything that comes into my head. There isn’t a point. I was under the impression you wanted my help.” Each word was an angry snapping turtle; I took another deep breath before continuing, “No, giving up my baby never had anything to do with punishing Cam. If he’d had a family to give up for me, he would have done it.”
I strained to compose myself. Maybe Madeline was right – not her convoluted theory of punishing Cam – but about my obvious absence of a point. It was hard to find the right words to say the thoughts I’d never even considered vocalizing. While I floundered, Madeline found strength. She was staring at me with creepy, unblinking doll eyes, like she thought if she looked hard enough, she could wrench free all my deep dark secrets.
“But Cam didn’t have a family to give up, and I guess, that was part of it too. I didn’t want to have to ask him to give up anything for us, not when he’d been given so little to begin with. So because he would have sacrificed everything, I couldn’t let him. Cam is the best person I’ve ever known. He deserves all his dreams, and –,” the coming words were so hard I choked on them. “And, I guess, I thought I did too. Or at least I deserved the opportunity to try and be something more than who I had been in the past.”
As was usual, Madeline didn’t speak a word in the aftermath of my confession. I couldn’t stand it though, not then, not while my own judgments glared back at me.
“Do you think I’m a selfish monster?” The irony that I was the one directing that question at the queen of narcissism wasn’t lost on me.
Her expression puckered once with distaste before she hit me with a bland stare.
“Honestly, you could tell me about a series of bank robberies you committed, and I wouldn’t give a damn. I’m not prying into your past with a moral compass, Adley. I need to understand the facts. Everything else is just…information.”
A knock reminded us of the outside world as Fran gave her the heads up that she was due in hair and make-up.
“Do you mind if I’m done for the day?” I hadn’t moved from the couch even as the actress headed on her way, assuming I’d follow.
A million thoughts trekked across her face, most of them involving how my absence would affect her, before she finally nodded her reluctant consent. The pros of being free of me moping around all day clearly outweighed the cons.
My head collapsed into my palms as soon as she was out the door. My life had become one sadistic trip to the dentist after another,