Someone I Used to Know - By Blakney Francis Page 0,35

thought that kind of love was possible, only living in the love stories Cam had whispered to my swollen stomach when I couldn’t sleep at night.

I had to do this for him, because he’d give up the world for us if he could. He’d give up everything to keep us. And because he would do it for me, I had to do this for him.

I would be the monster to save him. I made the decision so he wouldn’t have to. He’d never have to choose. He’d never have to give up his dreams. I’d own the guilt so he’d never have to indulge it.

But I was only so strong, and he was even weaker than I was. If I saw her, I didn’t know if I’d be able to let her go again, and Cam would let me keep her.

“Swear it.” The whispered command felt dirty in my mouth, and I spat it softly, hoping to never taste it again.

“I swear.” His voice clogged in his throat, but the vow was spoken.

Cam would always love me. We were family, bonded by something that transcended romance.

He was my soul mate.

But he would always hate me a little bit for what I took from him – from both of us – in that hospital bed.

I felt lightheaded, dizzy, and disoriented as I found myself back in the freezing cold soundstage of present. The scene still played out between actors that were no longer me and Cam.

I backpedaled. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready to face the words Cam had used to tell this part of the story. I could not watch myself turn into a monster through his eyes.

So I did the one thing in the entire world that I was exceptionally gifted at…I ran.

Chapter Seven

Adley

I felt like every bone in my body had been melted down until I was nothing but mush. I hated Cam for bringing me there, and I hated him for leaving me all alone to deal with this…again.

Great! On top of everything else, I was making a liar out of myself too. Cam hadn’t left me after we’d given the baby up for adoption. I’d made it clear that the only way for us to move forward, was to pretend the whole thing had never happened, and that wasn’t something we could do with a walking talking daily reminder haunting us with what we’d done, no matter how much I loved or needed him.

My escape from the soundstage had only brought me so far when I realized that I didn’t have a ride. I could’ve called a taxi, but that would involve talking to someone, and the thought of even hearing another person’s voice made me feel sick to my stomach.

I ended up in a jungle. Or at least that’s what the hanging fabric that surrounded me looked like, from my slumped seat in the back of the wardrobe department. Every color of the rainbow and beyond swung down around me like vines in the form of trousers, skirts, and dresses.

Cam and I had gone back to the loft after leaving the hospital and tried to resume a life that had never really been ours to begin with. Cam went back to Duke to finish his final semester, after withdrawing when I’d shown up sporting an extra ten pounds and carrying unbelievable news. From the loft in Raleigh, it was only a thirty-minute commute, but the distance followed him home. It wore on him, and that, in return, wore on me.

The loft was unchanged. Each night we laid the same spots as before, but the inches that separated us might as well have been a continent. Every morning, Cam had told me he loved me with a dimple-less smile, and then drove away to the dream I’d given back to him. Some mornings his shower had not been enough to cleanse the red tattoos that lined his eyes.

I lay in bed for months, staring at the ceiling for hours, trying to feel something –anything – that would break through the numb I was submerged in.

Cam cried himself to sleep every night, and I couldn’t even summon up enough emotion to return the affection that showed deeply in his brown eyes as he kissed my forehead each night. I didn’t feel shame, regret, or sadness. I didn’t feel anything at all. I was a monster.

Vanity was the first thing to break through to me. I’d stared into the mirror one afternoon, and all I saw was