Somebody to Love (Tyler Jamison #1) - April Wilson Page 0,13

loved him, and I wanted to make him proud—even after his death.

When my dad was killed, I felt his loss profoundly. His death created a giant hole in our family, a vacuum that I thought could never be filled. I did my best to step up. I helped my mom around the house, and I helped her take care of my little sister, Beth, who was just an infant at the time.

I channeled every bit of energy I had into being the best son I could be, the best big brother. I wanted to think my dad would have been proud of me. When my needs and wants didn’t fit the role I thought I should play, I buried them deep. Really, really deep.

And now, over twenty years later, I’m still trying to be the best son I can. The best brother. The best uncle to my nephew, Luke. My identity is wrapped up in who I am for my family, and in what I think they’d want me to be. There’s no room for anything else.

Over the years, I’ve considered marriage. And while I’m capable of performing sexually with a woman, it’s not something I take any pleasure in. It’s a task. On the rare occasions it happens, it’s a chore I force myself to get through. It just wouldn’t be fair to saddle a woman with me as a husband.

So, where does that leave me? Alone. Very much alone. There are no options I can live with. I can’t bear the thought of being something less in the eyes of my family. It’s not that they’re homophobic, because they’re not. One of my sister’s best friends, Sam, is gay. Beth and her husband share their penthouse apartment with Sam and his partner, Cooper. Sam and Cooper are family. My mother adores them too. But I can’t risk letting my family down.

When sleep doesn’t come, I end up watching a bit of mindless TV. I need a distraction to keep me from obsessing over someone I can’t have.

Tonight, when we stood inside the foyer of his townhouse, the two of us standing in a pool of light from the overhead chandelier, my heart hammered my chest. As he stood there staring at me, my world narrowed to that moment. I couldn’t look away. My belly tightened, and my cock hardened. I couldn’t prevent my body’s reaction any more than I could prevent taking my next breath.

For a moment, I honestly thought he was going to kiss me.

And for a moment—a desperate moment—I wanted him to.

I have never in my life felt anything remotely like what I felt tonight. My skin was too tight for my body, and I was burning up inside. Even now, just thinking about it, my lungs are tight, my breathing shallow. Shit. I’ve never in my life felt so… alive. I’ve never felt such anticipation. Such exhilaration. All I could think was, Why is this happening to me now? I’m forty-four years old. It’s a bit late for me to start having crushes.

Dragging my fingers through my hair, I choke back a cry of frustration. I’m finally feeling desire, and it’s for a man!

Eventually, I manage to doze off, but my sleep is fitful. Anxiety has me by the throat and won’t let go. I can’t stop thinking about Ian. I can’t story worrying about him. If he snuck out once, he can do it again. And the thought of anything happening to him—Jesus, I can’t even contemplate it.

Maybe I should call Shane. My sister’s husband is the CEO of a private security company that specializes in personal protection. I could arrange for someone to keep tabs on Ian and make sure he stays out of trouble. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s going to be impossible to keep him under house arrest for long. And if he snuck out once, he can do it again.

Chapter 6

Tyler Jamison

Monday morning arrives all too soon. I’m awake a few minutes before my alarm is scheduled to go off at six. I slept like shit, my mind racing nonstop, thinking about this case, about Ian, and wondering just how much danger he might be in.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t get him out of my head. He’s just a potential witness, nothing more. That’s all there is to it. That’s all there can ever be. But my brain keeps coming up with stupid excuses to see him again. I’m drawn to him, like a tree