slave fires growing in me? Surely not! What if they should begin to rage? I would be their victim, and prisoner! How helpless I would be! I recalled slaves pleading for the touch of a guard, begging to be brought soon to the block.
At the first opportunity, I thought, before it is too late, while I yet retain a shred of my former self, I must attempt to escape! But who would want to escape, I thought. What had freedom to offer, which might compare with the fulfillments of belonging to, of being possessed by, a master? I had heard of slaves, pathetic collared animals, mere properties, who had undertaken long journeys, undergone terrible hardships, and braved fearful dangers, to find their way back to the feet of a master.
I suddenly, unexpectedly, moaned.
I felt my hips lift, pathetically.
“Steady,” he said. “Wait.”
“Oh,” I said. “Please, now!”
“Soon,” he said, softly, soothingly.
I began to whimper, pleadingly.
“What shall we do with you?” he asked.
I was about to speak, to cry out, to beg, but his hand cupped itself over my mouth. I looked up at him, in the light of the taper. My eyes must have been wild, pleading, over his hand. “Beware,” he said. “Think before you speak.” He then removed his hand from over my mouth. “You may now speak,” he said. “What is your wish?”
“That it be done with me as master pleases,” I whispered.
“Only that?” he asked.
“Yes, Master!” I sobbed. “Yes, Master!”
I was sweating, and quivering, in expectation. My body was alive, my belly begging.
I tensed.
He must not leave me so! Please, Master, I thought. Do not leave me so!
I did not know him, save that he was now my master. I knew him not, not from the market, not from the dungeon, not from the ship, not from the camp, not from the dock.
He could be anyone, and I could be any slave.
Surely it was not he for whom I longed in whose power I was. It was not he whose voice it seemed I had heard a hundred times, only to discover myself mistaken, not he whose image I had conjured up so often, he before whom I had hastened to kneel in my dreams. It was not he in whose power I longed to lie helpless, whose voice and image had so often figured in my hopes and heart. I recalled him from the emporium on my former world, from a warehouse, from an exposition cage! It was on his chain that I longed to yield; it was in his ropes that I yearned to find myself cast on the altar of his lust, a helpless offering to his mightiness.
No, no, I thought. I must hate them all, all, even he whom I had unsuccessfully attempted to banish from my least thoughts. How I must hate him, I thought. Was it not he who brought me choiceless to this world, on which I was marked, collared, and sold! Was it not he who had brought me even to this chain, to this degradation, to this rude, primitive place, on a far world?
What fate is this, I asked myself.
How could one such as I, intelligent, educated, refined, sensitive, proud, be here?
“You are ready,” he said.
“Yes, Master,” I whispered. Be merciful, Master, I thought. Do not leave me like this!
“I wonder if you think yourself a free woman,” he said.
“Master?” I said.
“I wonder if you think yourself a free woman,” he said.
“No, Master,” I said.
“We shall see,” he said.
“Master?” I said.
“I shall now release the catch on your cage, little vulo,” he said, “and you may fly.”
“Master?” I said.
“Aiii!” I cried.
“Fly away,” he said.
“Ai!” I cried, again, and again, and he could scarcely, with all his strength, hold me.
He stood up then, and I lay at his feet. Surely I had been the choiceless vessel of his pleasure, and he was now done with me. But surely he must know, too, even if it is of no interest to him, that the slave, too, feels, trembles, cries out, and endures the thousand raptures consequent on her condition and collar. To be sure, he had been kind, and patient, with me, if only as a matter of curiosity. In a thousand ways we may be put to use, and sometimes with little more meaning than a casual cuffing. Our feelings are nothing. We are done with as the masters please. We are slaves.
“Please, stay with me, but a moment, Master!” I begged, reaching out to him. I wanted to be