Smug Bastard - Stacey Marie Brown Page 0,75
am I not surprised you are defending her?”
“I’m not,” she claimed, lifting Goat’s head up, his ears twitching. “Believe me, I have had choice words with her too. She had no right to put a claim on Smith… but it doesn’t change how she feels.”
“What about how I feel?”
“How do you feel?” Mom asked. “You never talked about what happened that night. Even when you were a kid, you kept everything inside. Not for one moment did I ever have to guess what Kyle and Kasey were thinking, good or bad. With you? It was like prying open a vault, and still, you let very little out. I always felt you kept me at arm’s length.”
“Mom.” My shoulders slumped, mother guilt hammering into my heart.
“I know you are different from them. I don’t want you to be the same, but sometimes it’s okay to let people in. And instead of being so concerned about your sister’s feelings, be honest. Stand up to her. Your feelings are just as important as hers. And if you love him, don’t let her or anyone stand in the way.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I gulped down the lie, shoving more items in my bag.
“Kinsley…” She exhaled. “First, don’t lie to your mother and second, I may be old, but I have eyes. Hell, even your father picked up on it.”
“What?”
“Sweetheart, the chemistry between you and Smith was palpable. And by what I saw, he feels the same about you.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You’re wrong. Anyway, he’s taken.”
“Yeah, Kasey said something about the other woman being his wife.” She clicked her tongue. “I would never in a million years want you going after a married man, but I saw nothing between them except resentment and strain. He didn’t once look at her, touch her, or smile at her like he did when he was near you.”
“Mom.” There was more she didn’t know.
“I’m just saying.” She held up her hands. “Maybe you should hear him out. Let him explain. Again, I don’t know the full story or what is going on between him and that woman. I know what I saw.” She scratched Goat’s head before rising off the bed. “And what I saw was a man in love, and not with the woman he came with.”
Emotion burned my esophagus; pain I tried to keep boxed up sprang open, my teeth crunching together. It didn’t matter anymore.
“Please talk to your sister before you leave. At the end of the day, you love each other. Don’t let your relationship be ruined by a guy.” She kissed my temple, muttering under breath, “You’d think I would have been done with these conversations in high school.”
Mothers had a talent for gutting and guilting you in the same breath.
“Mom?” She paused at the door, looking back at me. “Thank you.”
She smiled warmly. “I love you, Kinsley. And if I haven’t told you recently, I’m proud of you. Whatever you want to do or want to be, both your father and I support you.”
The past two weeks I’d spent with my family, I did a lot of soul-searching. Smith was right about one thing: Life didn’t have clear paths or some magical aha moment that gave you the answers. All I knew was I didn’t want to work in finance. It would kill my soul.
I had been doodling a lot more, fun logos and tag lines for my sister’s shop. Though the one burning in the back of my brain cut a hole in my heart. It was meant for him.
No, Kinsley. He’s a liar and a convict.
My brain still couldn’t wrap around what Becca shared with me; the broken pieces of my heart and trust felt like glass shards in my chest.
“Mom?” The heartbreaking evidence of what Becca confessed to me that day sat on my tongue, the revelations thumping painfully behind my ribs, needing out.
She popped back into the doorway, staring at me with love and naivety.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, forcing a smile on my face. “Never mind.” I couldn’t do it; I just couldn’t.
She blew me a kiss before exiting my room.
I was done with lying men. I was moving on.
“Just you and me, lil’ dude.” I reached over, rubbing Goat’s head. Tomorrow we were back on the road, heading for San Francisco. I had told Sadie everything, and she begged me to head to the city by the bay. She was in love with it and thought it would be a great place