don’t want anyone to know you’re not invulnerable. It doesn’t go along with the story you’ve created to always keep your personal world in order. But I was there with you when you woke from those nightmares. You’re still having them, aren’t you? I think I might have held on if you hadn’t lied to me tonight.” His eyes were blazing. “That’s why you came out here, not because you wanted a breath of air.”
She didn’t answer him. “I’m not walking wounded. So you can stuff your pity, Novak.”
“You’re not listening. Don’t worry. There wasn’t pity even when I was there with you in that hospital. I don’t know what it was. I was just…aching and wanting to kill someone, anyone.” He added fiercely: “And there’s sure as hell no pity now, or I wouldn’t have decided to toss out all that crap about going through this by myself. I don’t know what I was thinking. So I’m going to be my usual selfish self and take what I want any way I can get it.”
“Going through what by yourself?”
“I feel something for you, dammit.” He added fiercely, “It’s that same sexual attraction multiplied about a thousand times, all mixed up with what I felt in that hospital and what I’ve learned to feel about you since then. You don’t want pity? Great. Because sex was my first choice anyway. Though I doubt if we can go back to square one. It probably wouldn’t be enough for me.” He was suddenly on his feet, looking down at her. “I just had to give you warning that if you really are walking wounded, you should get away from me. Run, not walk. Because these days, whenever I look at you, I want to take you to bed. If I can talk you into it, that’s where we’ll end up. And I don’t know where we’ll go from there because I’m not sure I’ll be able to let you go after that.” He reached out his hand and pulled her to her feet. “And now you’d better go in and get to bed. You shouldn’t have to worry about having nightmares unless they’re about me. I’ve given you enough to think about to distract you.” His voice was suddenly low and intense. “But remember that I’d never hurt you, and it would always be your choice.”
Electricity. Intimacy. His hand grasping hers was warm, vital, and she could feel her pulse pounding in her wrist. He must feel it, too, because his thumb was rubbing back and forth on the pulse point. She was shaking, her breasts firming, tightening. He was too close…No, he wasn’t close enough.
She needed to pull away from him. Why didn’t she do it? Because her emotions were in such a shambles that her responses were purely physical. She couldn’t think, she could only feel. Don’t let him see it. She had sworn she’d never be weak again, and no one was more dominant than Novak. She nodded jerkily. “Of course it’s my choice. And you won’t hurt me because if you did, I’d pull out the Beretta in my jacket pocket and shoot your nuts off.”
He blinked. “Point taken.” Then he threw back his head and laughed. “And that side of you is another reason why I’m finding handling you so complicated.”
“Then don’t try to handle me.” She turned toward the door. She had to get away from him. Because she wanted his hands on her again, dammit. He had only touched her hand and wrist, yet her pulse was still pounding crazily. “I was right, the first time. It was good that it never really started. It would never have worked out.”
“Maybe.” Then he was smiling recklessly. “But this is a new game with new rules. And we can change those rules as we go along. Anything you want to do.” He reached out and gently touched her cheek with his index finger. “Go to sleep. I had to be honest with you, but I’m not going to let it get in the way of what we have to do. Good night, Jill. If I can deter Quinn, I’ll try to do it.”
Her skin was warming, throbbing beneath that gossamer-light touch. She moved her head to avoid it. She had an idea that “honesty” couldn’t help but get in the way. It was as if he had ripped down a safe, sheltering barrier between them and left only heat, electricity, and vibrant awareness. “I told you I