treated you less decently than that orphanage in Hong Kong.”
Novak was really on the attack, she realized in bewilderment. His intensity was overpowering, and she could almost feel the electricity he was generating. What was happening with him? Suddenly, she didn’t care. He had no right to bring back the memories she kept firmly tucked away. She sat up straight. “You’re damned right I didn’t let myself be a victim,” she said fiercely. “You’re only a victim if you don’t learn from a bad experience. It was one of the first things I found out when I was a kid. Do you know how I won that Pulitzer?”
“You wrote a series on the corruptions in the DFAC system,” Novak said. “I made the connection. But it wasn’t enough. Not unless it ended with your own foster parents ending up in jail.”
“Maybe they did. I don’t know. I wrote the series years later. I was past any desire to punish individuals. I just wanted to punish the system, so it couldn’t happen again to someone else.”
“I wouldn’t be so forgiving.” His smile was suddenly savage. “As a matter of fact, I have to admit to taking down their names for future reference.”
“What?” she said, shocked. “You’re joking?”
“If you want jokes, call on Gideon. As you’ve said, I don’t tend to be soft and easy. I grew up on the streets of Detroit, and I guarantee that everyone who ever caused me problems ended up regretting it.”
“I can believe it. But these are my problems, Novak.”
He shrugged. “I’ve decided you’re entirely too philosophical and I should take over the handling of this type of difficulty myself.”
She gazed at him in disbelief. “Are you crazy? Not if it’s my business.”
“It’s all how you view it. That doesn’t seem to make any difference to me.” He added through set teeth, “Which really is beginning to piss me off.”
“I’m the one who should be pissed off. You’re not making sense. Why are you being like this?”
“It was bound to come out sooner or later. I’ve been holding it in too long.” His lips twisted. “I don’t want this. I want it to be like it was when I first met you over a year ago.” His light eyes were glittering. “You were smart and gutsy, and I wanted to go to bed with you three minutes after I met you. That was all I wanted, very simple and clean, with no complications. That’s what should have happened.”
“What?” She inhaled sharply. “You never said anything. You never made a move.”
“We were both busy and at opposite ends of the country most of the time.” He smiled sardonically. “But tell me you didn’t know it was there waiting to happen.”
She was silent. The words had shocked her, but she couldn’t deny that what he’d said was true. Yes, she had known, but she had refused to acknowledge it. She had instinctively blocked even thinking about him sexually. She was still doing it. Because along with that instant explosive sexual attraction had come the realization that he would demand too much of her. She had a career she was passionate about, and he wasn’t like anyone else she had ever met. He…disturbed her. Novak was too difficult, and she had not wanted to have to deal with him. She swallowed. “Well, then it was a good thing that it never got past that first three minutes.”
“The hell it is,” he said roughly. “If we’d just gone to bed together, then it might have been over by this time. It wouldn’t be like this. I don’t like feeling what I’m feeling now. It’s too damn complicated. And I don’t have any way to control it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I’m getting out of it is that you’re angry and it’s somehow my fault that we didn’t jump into the sack together. That’s not complicated, it’s plain nuts. And it’s bullshit that you’re not in control. You’re always in control of yourself and everyone around you.”
“If I were in control, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. After Nairobi, I swore to myself that it wasn’t going to happen, that you were off-limits, that you were walking wounded, and that’s how I had to treat you.”
She stiffened. “Walking wounded?”
“What do you think? It killed me to see you like that. I didn’t expect to feel that way.”
“Walking wounded,” she repeated. “You son of a bitch. How do you have the nerve to say that?”