Smoke (The Carelli Family Saga #1) - Eden Butler Page 0,52

me get as far as the driver’s side, not stopping me when I threw Mateo’s diaper bag in through the open window. “I can’t let you go to battle for us. I won’t be responsible for all that—”

I was nearly to the entrance of my building, reaching my hand for the door, when Smoke grabbed my arm. He turned me and pressed me against its stone surface. “You don’t get to make that decision anymore. It’s not yours alone. You think you can come into my life, our lives and just walk away? You think you haven’t left a mark? You think there isn’t a person in my family who wouldn’t burn down the world to protect you and that baby?” He held my face still, his fingers tight, demanding. “No. This isn’t going down without me in the thick of it. Fuck that. I won’t let you do this shit without me.”

“It’s not your choice,” I told him, not caring that my voice was loud, that it was inching toward ten o’clock and there were still people leaving their jobs just blocks away from my building.

“Like hell it’s not!” he yelled, kissing me silent.

Smoke made me drunk with that kiss, taking his time, his tongue and teeth intoxicating me before he took it all away. He moved my chin up, staring in my eyes like he wanted to make sure he had my full attention. “I’ve never loved anything more than you and Mateo. You’re mine, both of you. I’m yours. You have to know that by now. I’m willing to give up my entire life here. I’m willing to run after you, to tell my fucking cousin I can’t help him, can’t do anything for him.” He stretched his head back, not making any sense at all to me. But Smoke didn’t stop. He didn’t give me any space to breathe either.

Instead, he leaned on his arm, pressing it against the wall at my head, his free hand in my hair. “I love you enough that I’m thinking stupid things, like telling the fucker who put a bullet in my most loyal man’s chest that he can have my business because all I care about is you and me and our…our boy. Everything is different with you, bella. I’m different with you. I’m not…” He shook his head and for a second I got lost in thought, in the moment, wondering what he wanted, who he could be with me. “You don’t expect me to be…” A long breath and he lowered his voice, the tone coming out in a rasp that had the air freezing in my lungs. “I’m only myself with you. Only you. There’s no criminal, no gangster. There’s only the man that loves you. There’s only…”

“Dimitri…” I said, the word sounding comfortable, familiar. He nodded once, wiping the tears from my lashes as they fell onto my cheek. All I could do was to grab his shirt and dip my head, holding onto him as I cried.

“I didn’t want any of this,” he said against the side of my face, his hands on the back of my head as he held me. “Not with you. Not with anyone, don’t you understand that?”

I lifted my head, my chin and mouth shaking.

“I just wanted to keep everyone safe, but fuck, I can’t do that and be who they need me to be, but I love you enough to walk away from it all. You and Mateo…to me, don’t you get it? You’re the only ones that matter anymore. I can’t let you climb into that car and drive away without a backward glance. I don’t work that way. I can’t.” Smoke pushed his eyebrows together, like he couldn’t believe anything coming out of his mouth. Like they were words someone else put there and he was helpless to keep from speaking them. “You got inside. You both did and I can’t…I won’t let you go.”

His thumbs were warm, soft against my cheeks when he rubbed my face there. I could make out the slightest glint in his eyes, thought maybe, it could have been moisture. But this was Smoke Carelli. He wasn’t a man who cried. Not ever.

“Alejandro…”

A hard frown returned to Dimitri’s mouth and he flexed his jaw as he stretched his neck. “Is a dead fucking man if he thinks he can take what’s mine, that’s a promise.”

“It…won’t be that simple.” The only reason I escaped him was because he’d been so strung out