came in to check on us at least once an hour, offering to show me how to put him down in the crib so I could give my arm a rest, but I refused to let go. I wanted him to feel all the love he deserved.
A million thoughts swam through my head as time crept by with no word on Mackenzie… How was I supposed to do this without her? How was I going to explain to our son that his mother gave her life for his? I didn’t know the first thing about raising a child. My mother had assured me we would figure it out as we went along. But I wondered if I could possibly be a good father without Mackenzie at my side.
As the clock neared midnight, I finally relented and allowed one of the nurses to put him in a crib, but I couldn’t stop looking at him. I wanted to remember this moment…a moment when, in my mind, we were still a family. At any minute, the door to this room could open and a doctor could give me the news I had been dreading all night long. Then I would finally have to face the reality that we would never be a family, that Mackenzie would never be given the opportunity to hold her son.
Reaching into the crib, I grabbed our son’s hand, holding it tight. “Don’t worry,” I whispered. “I’ll never let anything happen to you.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“MR. BURNHAM,” A SOFT voice said and I felt someone nudge me. I opened my eyes, taking in the serene surroundings of the hospital room in the maternity ward. I looked at the crib to my left, my hand still wrapped around my son’s as he slept without a care in the world.
“Yes?” I answered groggily. Trying to snap out of it, I wiped at my face and straightened myself. I met the doctor’s flat expression, a sinking feeling forming in the pit of my stomach that there was no way I’d receive good news twice in one night. Then her mouth turned into a warm smile and my eyes widened, hope washing over me.
“She’s going to be just fine. The bullet missed any vital organs. She did lose quite a bit of blood, but we were able to stop the flow and stitch her back up.”
Letting out a huge breath, I sagged into my chair, closing my eyes. All the tension that had been building up over the hours was immediately gone, gratitude filling my heart. I was a bundle of a thousand emotions, unable to properly convey how thankful I truly was that Mackenzie was okay. Part of me thought this was all a dream, that I would wake up to find out she didn’t make it.
“Can I see her?”
“You may, but she hasn’t woken up just yet. Between the C-section and the surgery on her shoulder, she’s been through a lot. We’re keeping her as comfortable as we can. When she does wake up, it may only be for a few minutes, and she will most likely be out of it.”
“I understand. I just need to see her.”
“Understood,” the doctor said, beginning to walk out of the room.
Hesitating, I looked back at the crib and our son.
“Don’t worry,” the doctor said as a petite blonde woman entered the room. “I called for a nurse to come look after him for a while.”
I still didn’t like the idea of leaving him, but I knew I couldn’t bring him with me. Reluctantly leaving his side, I followed the doctor back toward the bank of elevators. We rode in silence to the second floor, the journey seeming to take forever. Finally, it slowed to a stop and we exited into the bustling lobby of the trauma unit. After navigating through a few hallways, she stopped in front of a door and pushed it open.
Entering, I was surrounded by the sound of beeping machines as I shuffled toward where Mackenzie lay, a soft smile on her face. Seeing her chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm, I couldn’t remember ever being so relieved. It still didn’t seem real to me. I had hoped and prayed for this outcome, but I didn’t think it was in the cards, not the way my luck had usually gone.
All of a sudden, it dawned on me that Mackenzie wasn’t the only one injured this evening. Spinning around, I called, “Doctor?”