meditate in front of the Morning Rose. And the whole time, all I could think about was how meditation or prayer at these sites did absolutely nothing, because all that really matters is being able to steal as much of the Early Ones’ technology as possible. That the only way for us to keep pace with the wicked is to do what they do, but better.”
“We’re not fighting the Federation only to become them, Adena.”
“Said every nation before they fell to the Federation,” Adena answers bitterly. “I’m going to beat them, Talin. They think they can take what they’ve learned from the ruins to build their own monsters? I can do it too. I have to invent better weapons, faster. I have to learn how to create like them. I am going to beat them at what they do best. Mara has to, or our dawns like this are numbered.”
I stare out at where the first hints of gold have begun outlining the low-lying clouds along the warfront. When I was small, I would wake before my parents, climb out of my bedroom window, and sneak up to the roof of our house in Basea, where I could peek above the tree line and get a glimpse of the lightening morning sky. My father had caught me doing it one dawn. I remember starting an apology, only to see him crawl over to sit next to me on the roof.
What are you doing up here, pup? he’d said to me.
I gave him a sheepish look. Just watching the clouds light up, I answered.
He smiled and stared toward the horizon. Did you know? he said after a while. There are a billion, billion, billion suns in the sky.
The number was too large for me to comprehend. What do you mean? I asked.
Every star out there. The Early Ones discovered that. And do you know what that means? He threw a blanket around my shoulders as I shivered in the cool morning air. There might be another you out there, another me and your ma, staring back at us and wondering the same thing.
I snuggled closer to him and tried to imagine such a thing. If there was another me, what was her life like? Did she also live in a country fighting a war against a massive enemy? What if there’s no one out there at all? I asked.
He shrugged and only said, The world is too big a place for that, don’t you think?
A cold wind whips through my coat, sweeping the memory from my thoughts. After a few minutes, Tomm and Pira arrive to sit up on the ramparts. Others come too, until a smattering of sapphire coats sit along the ledge, here to watch the sun rise over a blood-soaked field.
I wait for Tomm to head over to us and stir trouble, but he doesn’t. The two just cast glances in our direction without saying anything. Tomorrow, they will return to their sneers in my direction. Today, though, we sit in a row together and look out at the strengthening morning light, all of us searching for that little bit of peace. I don’t know whether we’ll have the chance to gather around a campfire and tell one another stories … but we, the only thing standing between Mara and the Federation, have survived another night. We’ve earned another morning where we can line up along the ramparts to watch the sunrise.
Why do I sit out here with them after every battle? Why do I risk my life over and over again for this country that is not my birth country, that still keeps my mother outside its walls, where some of my fellow Strikers call me a rat? My homeland’s already gone. Why does this war matter so much to me? The question swirls in my mind, as it always does after a bad night on the warfront, and I spend the quiet moment trying to answer it.
Because Mara, for all its faults, had still taken me in. Because the alternative is the Karensa Federation, swallowing everything and everyone in its path. Because I have witnessed the deepest horrors their soldiers could inflict on other humans, and I’ve survived, and the reason I’ve survived is because of this last free nation, one that might soon also collapse. Because right now, we are all just young souls in identical sapphire coats, fighting to hold back the darkness. It has bound me together with them, whether they—or I—like it