Sisters - By Patricia MacDonald Page 0,4
I am gone. I asked Mr Killebrew to keep this for me, in the event that I predeceased your father, and give it directly to you. I hope you will not think worse of me because of what I’m going to tell you. I feel sure that you will understand.
A long time ago, when I was still a teenager, I got pregnant. As you know, being a Catholic, abortion was really out of the question for me. Instead of going to college, I went away to a home for unwed mothers, had the baby and gave her up for adoption. I was told that she went to a good family. Second semester I enrolled at the university as planned. I got my degree, met your dad, and you know the rest.
After you were born, there were complications and it turned out that I couldn’t have any more children. I always regretted not being able to give you a brother or sister, and have been tormented by the knowledge that you actually have a sister whom you know nothing about. I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything about her, because it was a closed adoption. I often hoped that she would seek me out but, so far, she has not done so.
I don’t know what, if anything, you might want to do about this, but I didn’t want to leave this earth without letting you know that, somewhere, you have a sister.
Darling, if you want to try to find her, you have my blessing. If you decide to tell your father about the contents of this letter, that’s up to you. It must be your decision. I have chosen to keep it a secret all these years. He probably would have understood, just as I know that you will, but it was a secret I kept to myself. Still, I think that you have a right to know that your sister exists. I’m sure that you will do what’s best. I love you more than anything,
Mom
Alex read the letter again. Her heart was thudding and her hands were icy. Finally she looked up at the attorney. ‘Do you know about what this says?’ she asked.
John Killebrew nodded. ‘Yes, your mother confided in me, and she trusted me to use my judgment. She wanted, at least initially, for this information to stay between you and her.’
‘She never told my father,’ Alex said.
‘That’s correct. As it turned out, your father, obviously, did not survive her.’
‘No,’ said Alex.
‘I hope you understand why I chose not to give this to you immediately after your parents’ death. It seemed as if you had enough to cope with at the time.’
Alex stared down at the letter in her hands and nodded. ‘I appreciate that.’
‘I don’t know what you want to do about this . . .’ he said.
Alex shook her head. ‘I don’t either.’
‘Think it over,’ he said. ‘There’s no hurry to decide.’
‘Why didn’t she tell me?’ Alex cried.
‘I don’t know. I’m sure she had her reasons.’
‘I feel . . . blindsided.’ Alex’s voice sounded surly to her ears.
‘I’m sure you do, right now. But this could turn out to be a great consolation to you, Alex. A sister you never knew you had.’
‘I don’t want some sister I never knew,’ Alex replied angrily, tears springing to her eyes. ‘I want my parents back.’
John Killebrew watched her silently, knowing better than to remind her of the futility of that wish.
Alex brushed her tears away impatiently, and took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, Mr Killebrew. It’s not your fault. Look, if I did decide to try and find this . . . woman . . .’
‘I won’t lie to you. There are obstacles. In a closed adoption, only the adoptee is allowed to instigate a search for the birth family. But if you decide that you want to find your sister you can petition the court to have the records released, and see what the judge decides. We can help you with that.’
‘I don’t know,’ Alex said. She sat numbly in the chair, the letter dangling from her fingertips.
‘It’s a lot to absorb all at once,’ said the attorney. ‘Go home and think it over.’
As if I had any choice, she wanted to say. Instead she said, ‘I will.’
TWO
For three days, Alex found her thoughts gravitating to the sister she had never met. It was easier to ruminate about whether or not to search for this long-lost sister than to face directly the prospect of this first Christmas