“She kept it quiet because of the boys. She wanted to be sure their relationship was solid before they told the kids.”
“Yeah, well, he turned me down flat and outed me to Sierra. Now she’s pissed and probably out for revenge.”
“What can she possibly do to you that’s worse than what you’ve done to her? What’s the point? Nothing will change what you’ve done. No apology will be enough to erase the hurt.”
Heather knew that, but deep down she’d hoped that somehow, some way . . . “So it’s a lost cause to even try to make her understand.”
“Understand what? You can’t expect her to sympathize with you. You certainly didn’t care about her feelings or what would happen to her and the boys if David left them.”
“I did care. But there was no going back. So what am I supposed to do now?”
“Apologize. Take responsibility for what you did. Ask for forgiveness. Tell her what you hope can happen going forward with the kids and between you and her. Show her that you have a heart despite how you’ve acted.”
Heather didn’t know if that would be enough to get Sierra to even look at her again. “Are you going to be mad at me forever, too?” She hated the way her mother looked at and spoke to her. She didn’t want to lose her mother’s love and support. Her disappointment tore at her heart. If her mom turned her back on Heather, she’d be devastated.
“Mostly I’m disappointed that you’d do this to your sister and her children. You were always spoiled, but that’s my fault, though your sisters spoiled you, too. You got away with a lot. But I never thought you did anything hurtful, until now. I hoped you’d see the mistakes I made with men and do better. I hoped you’d see your sisters’ happy marriages and want that for yourself.”
“I can’t help who I loved.”
“No. But you didn’t have to act on it.”
She hadn’t been able to stop herself. “I know it was wrong. I’m sorry I hurt Sierra and fractured the family. I’m sure Amy will be just as angry and upset about this as you. I feel terrible that I snuck around with David. I even feel bad for loving him, even though I couldn’t help myself.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “And I will forever carry the weight of regret and guilt for begging him to help me and Hallee when she got sick and he drove down in the fog to be with us. I never meant for him to die trying to get to us.”
Her mother stepped forward and gave Heather a hug she didn’t deserve but badly needed. “I know you didn’t. It was a tragic accident. Of course you wanted David there to help take care of Hallee in her time of need.”
“Sierra blames me for his death.” Heather blamed herself, too. But at the time, she’d done what she thought was right. Hallee had needed her father.
“She’s angry and hurt and dealing with a lot. Give her time to sort things out for herself. Maybe you two will never come to an understanding, but she will find perspective when she’s had time to think. And you need to tell her you are sorry.” Dede pulled back and held her by the shoulders. “Heather, take some time and a really good look at what you did and the consequences. You can’t go to Sierra and ask for forgiveness until you truly understand the cost of what you did. That includes the fact that David wouldn’t have been on that road if not for your affair.”
“You said it was a tragic accident.”
“It was. But it was also an accident that should have never happened. If you want to make things right, put yourself in Sierra’s place. Put yourself in Hallee’s, Danny’s, and Oliver’s places. See this affair from their perspective. Understand how they will see the affair and all that happened. Imagine how they will feel. Only then will you really understand the impact your choices had and will continue to have on yourself and everyone else.”
“I don’t want to keep punishing myself for loving him. It hurts too much.”
“How can you forgive yourself for what happened unless you take responsibility for all of it?” Dede released her and headed for the door. Before she left, she turned back. “You can’t hide here forever. You will need to face them. You’ll need to look at