Siren - Hazel Grace Page 0,114

told your father that he was mad. Dragons—” I scoff. “—who has ever seen a dragon? They’re in books, Dagen, books. Who would sail so far for a stupid cuff that you know nothing about?”

I glance at his face, which remains neutral.

“You’re going to say you don’t question your father, well, maybe you should’ve,” I snap. “Now I have to live with this. I have to relive that moment in the water over and over again and feel you leave me. I had to see the life leave your eyes and recall everything.”

I don’t stop the whimper that cracks through my chest nor the tremble that won’t stop shaking my body. I need to get this all out so I can try my best to keep moving because I need to make sure I’m here for Tobias.

“I hate you,” I wail. “But I love you at the same time. I don’t know how to get through this, without you, I feel so lost. We should’ve never started anything, we knew—we knew deep down that it’d never work. And you died over it.”

My body leans toward him, my palm planted on his bedside.

“I have to let you go today, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same after this. I don’t want to love you anymore, but I can’t help it. You brought me to life in a way that I never knew was imaginable. You promised me with your eyes before you—” I gasp for air as I continue to seize and shake. “—your eyes. You said this wouldn’t be the end, but it feels like it. It feels like I’ll never see you again.”

My palms start to sweat along the red glass that holds my mother’s whatever, which does nothing for me because she’s still dead. He’s still dead, and the reminders hit me over and over again with no reprieve or mercy.

Straightening my spine, I study the bottle, not even my mother’s presence makes herself known. The bottle holds nothing for me but another void.

“What good is it to be the granddaughter of a god if you can’t even have everything you want?” I propel the bottle against the far wall and hear it shatter into a thousand pieces.

Compelling myself to move, I lower my face to his and press a soft kiss to his lips.

“I love you, I didn’t say it, but I do. Forever and always, I’m yours.” One of my tears falls on his cheek, and I wipe it away. “Stay in peace, my Viking. I’ll find you again one day,” I whisper. “Just wait for me.”

Every fragment of strength I have left moves my body toward the door. My forehead rests upon it when I get closer, painfully aware that this will be it.

Dagen and I will never be in the same room again.

We won’t lie in bed together.

I won’t hear his cocky mouth and the way his lips feel against my skin.

Goodbye sounds so final it doesn’t sit right with us. I can’t accept that this will forever be us, but for now, I have to consent to the reality.

I have Tobias.

Given another opportunity to spend more precious time with him while I promise to never take his being with me for granted. He’s the only one that will be able to help me get through this.

My strength when I have none.

My hope when I’m forlorn.

And my faith that needs to forcefully be resolute.

My hand touches the brass doorknob, ready to brave through uncharted territory, when I pause at a sound outside the door, a soft shuffle. Backing from the door, I’m on guard still from the incident and fight with Taysa. I’m scared of any aftermath plans or anyone else that she may be linked with to finish her plan of power.

Tobias is outside.

Rushing back toward the door, I almost collapse to the floor by the next sound. Something that is indescribable and unbelievable to my ears that I’m almost certain I’ve taken a turn for the worse.

“Blood.” I suspend my breathing, repeating the same octave in my head.

Hesitantly, I begin to turn around, so beyond terrified that I’m hearing things I want to hear and still viewing the same sight I just did a moment ago. I built up a thin layer of courage to help me get through just today, I didn’t need my subconscious breaking it down before I was out of the room.

Sluggishly pushing himself up, Dagen’s eyes are open, fallen on me, and crystal clear blue.