All their dreams, about who I’m supposed to be, are resting on me.” She couldn’t deny what he said.
“What if we told them together?” She was trying to be helpful, but it was obvious he wasn’t ready to share the truth with them, only with her.
“Maybe one day, Grandma. Not now. I just wanted you to know.” She sensed that it was the secret he’d been hiding, and had almost shared with her a few days before. She was relieved that he had told her after all.
“I’m very honored that you trusted me, Alex,” she said solemnly. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. But I think you should one of these days. Maybe they’ll figure it out on their own.”
“I don’t think so. They have denial. They haven’t even figured out that I’m not interested in girls. At seventeen, all my friends are. Let’s face it, sports are no substitute for sex,” he said, and laughed, which answered her earlier question about the boy he liked.
“I hope you’re being careful about AIDS,” she said sternly. It was a serious issue for him now, if he was sexually active, and it sounded like he was.
“Obviously,” he said with a lofty look. “I’m gay, I’m not dumb.”
“Sorry,” she said, and smiled. She felt as though she had grown up that night. It turned out that her grandson was more sophisticated than she was about the ways of the world. “I just want you to know that I’m here if you need me. You can talk to me anytime. All you have to do is pick up the phone.” He actually did that often, and texted her from time to time. “Call me if you need me, Alex. I mean that. And if you ever want me to talk to them, I will. Your aunt Liz might be able to help with your dad. He always listens to her.” She had used that conduit to him herself, from time to time. It always worked with John. His big sister had an influence on him that no one else did, except his wife.
“Thank you, Grandma,” Alex said, and put his arms around her. He looked relieved, and like a kid again. Sharing that with her had taken a huge load off his mind. And telling her had been one of the defining moments of his life. She hadn’t screamed, she hadn’t fainted. She still loved him. He had been trying to check out her reaction, and all was well in his world. And then he thought of something that also mattered to him. “Would you still let me work for you one day?” He was worried.
“Of course.” This time she looked shocked. “What difference would it make?”
“You wouldn’t be embarrassed to have a gay grandson in the business?”
“Of course not. I’m proud of you, whatever you are. And by the time you graduate, I’ll be prouder yet.” He seemed satisfied with her answer, and a few minutes later, they hugged and went to bed.
She lay in bed thinking about him, and all he had said. He had given her an enormous compliment by confiding in her. It was probably more than any of her own children would have done. It proved to her again how important their relationship was. And all she had to do now was figure out how to help him tell his parents. Sooner or later they had to know. And she hoped that when he told them, they would rise to the occasion. She couldn’t imagine anything less of her son John. She was sure that Alex was selling them short. But only time would tell if he was right. And all she could hope was that he was wrong in his fears about them, and his parents would be loving and supportive. She would be severely disappointed in them if not. She wished she could tell her own mother about it, but she had promised. And she always kept her promises. She had taken a vow of silence, and his secret was safe with her.
Chapter 10
When they woke up in the morning, Amanda was full of stories about the people they’d met the night before. They were people she knew from New York, and she was vastly impressed by the house they had rented. Phillip seemed to have enjoyed it, and Liz said they were very nice. It was Amanda who was the most thrilled with their visit.
And after they had breakfast, they cruised slowly toward St. Tropez, relieved