The Sinners - Ruby Vincent Page 0,21
not have heard me. “In their final note. They wanted Rory and Eli to know they still loved them, but not me.”
“They were bastards, Em. What happened to your sister was an accident. Terrible, tragic, and hard to live with. But still an accident. They were wrong to make you feel like you didn’t deserve forgiveness.”
“I don’t.” My voice. My heart. My soul was dead.
Royal laid his hand over my clenched fist. “You do.”
His touch didn’t reach me. “I wanted to visit before,” I said. “My uncle wouldn’t give me the car unless I told him where I was going and I... couldn’t.”
“It’s okay, Ember. You’re going now.”
Raven River Cemetery was a pocket of land on the edge of town, bordering the forest. It was oppressively silent. No birds singing in the trees. No critters skittering over the forest floor. No bustling noise from the town. The sounds of life did not touch this place. As though man and creature alike knew to give the peace these people did not have in life.
Royal parked just as the workers opened the gate. Eight a.m. on the dot.
“I figured it’d be empty at this time,” Royal explained. “You’ll have privacy.”
“Thank you.” I made no move to leave the car.
“Do you want to do this by yourself?”
“No.”
My feet stayed planted on the floor mat.
“Should I carry you inside? How literally are you taking this princess thing?”
I cracked a smile, and marveled that he made me do that. “You dress me, cook for me, chauffeur me around, and carry me to bed. A girl can get spoiled.”
“I’m good to spoil you today.”
Royal came to my side of the car. He reached a hand out to me, patiently waiting for me to take it. We walked into the cemetery fingers laced.
Fingers strangled more like. I held on to Royal so tightly it must have hurt, but he didn’t say anything.
My sister’s grave was at the back by the fence. Two evergreens were planted beside her, shading her from the sun. Only the best for a Bancroft. My grandfather bought this plot for all of us to rest together, and he lay ten feet away.
“She slept in my bed every night,” I said as we closed the distance. “She had her own, but she’d crawl into mine after our parents put us to bed. When I die, I’ll sleep next to her again.”
Royal didn’t reply. I couldn’t blame him. Not many people would’ve known what to say to that.
Royal stopped a few feet away. I tugged him but he refused to move.
“Go,” he said simply. “I’m right here.”
I kept going. Kneeling down, the well swirling sorrow spilled over at the state of her grave. Dead flowers in her vase. Leaves covering the headstone. A wrapper stuck in the grass from some disrespectful piece of shit.
I flung it away with a scream. I should have come back sooner. I should be taking care of her. It’s just the three of us now.
“Ember?”
On my knees, I bowed before the headstone, pinned by an invisible force.
“Don’t look away from her,” Mom hissed. She clamped down on my neck. “You did this. Face her. Tell your sister you love her.”
The marble dug into my forehead. Tears dripped down the blades of grass, soaking the earth, seeking Rory.
“I love you.”
“Ember? Ember, I’m sorry.” There was something new in Royal’s voice. “This was a mistake.” He grabbed me under the arms. “I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
“No!” Clawing his hands, I ripped them off. “I have to face her!”
“Em, stop!”
“I did this!”
I collapsed on the grave. Royal picked me up and crushed me to his chest. I flailed as he dragged me to Grandpa’s memorial bench.
“It’s not your fault,” he cried. “It was an accident. Don’t do this to yourself anymore.”
Wailing and screaming, I pummeled him. Royal grunted under my assault but didn’t let go. Over and over he repeated forgiveness.
“You don’t get to say that to me!” I shoved him. We tipped over crashing onto the grass. “You haven’t forgiven yourself!”
“And I won’t until you show me how!” Royal grabbed my wrists. He pinned them to the ground and covered me with his body. “You want to save me, princess? Start right now.”
Violent sobs wracked me. I couldn’t breathe for the pain and Royal on my chest. He touched our foreheads together, silently sharing what he couldn’t find the words to say.
I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t get to Rory or leave her. But this wasn’t Mom’s unbreakable grip as she