Sinners' Playground (The Harlequin Crew #1) - Caroline Peckham Page 0,249

before him.

"Start talking, hummingbird. How long did you stay at Sandra’s?" Fox asked, taking control of the conversation as always. He was so fucking domineering.

"Your dad’s bitch cousin who built a metal shack on the side of her house and calls it a group home?" I questioned. "The one who makes those kids go into school and sell drugs to their friends while keeping all the profits for herself?"

"Dad said you'd be safe there," Fox said heavily. "He said she'd look after you."

I scoffed with disbelief and strode away from him, taking a seat in the big cream armchair beside the patio doors which led out to the pool.

"Well, if dear old Luther said I'd be fine, then of course I understand why you would believe him. Your dad always liked me so much after all. He always did have my best interests at heart," I snarked, my back already up and we’d barely even begun. If I got through this without killing one of them, it would be a damn miracle.

Fox exchanged a glance with JJ, some unspoken bullshit passing between them before they moved to take a seat on the couch opposite me. Chase followed but chose to perch his ass on the arm instead of sitting down properly.

"Okay, so Luther’s cousin was a first class dick," Chase said while the others seemed to be considering what to ask me first. "So how long did you even bother to wait to hear from us?"

"Four months," I ground out, deciding to give them the whole truth about that. "Four months of crying for you and aching for you and wondering why you would have abandoned me so thoroughly after all the promises the four of you made me. I understood why you sent me away. I knew you had no choice in that. But why did you destroy my phone? Why didn't any of you even email me just to let me know you gave a shit about me?" I forced myself to stop there but I could have gone on: Why did you have to be so fucking cold when you told me to go? Why did you all look at me like you didn’t even know me? Didn’t even fucking care about me at all? Why was it so fucking easy for you to throw me away when you knew that you were all I ever fucking had? When you knew it would kill me.

"We had a lot of pressure on us that first year after we were initiated into the Harlequins," JJ said, looking down at his hands. "Luther kept a close eye on us, moved me and Chase in here. He got us all new cellphones which we were paranoid he was monitoring and-"

"And we had to become real Harlequins," Chase added in a dark tone. "We had to spill blood and learn how to live with the stains it left on our souls. We had to become soldiers in this army-"

"And I was just the first of all the sacrifices you had to make," I replied bitterly. "Got it. I've come to terms with the fact that that's just who I am, so I don't need to hear you justify it." I turned to look out at the pool, not wanting to look at any of them as the pain of that admission cut into me despite the fact that I'd been living with that truth for ten long years.

"What's just who you are?" Fox demanded and I looked back at him, not really wanting to say it, but we were down the rabbit hole now and maybe it was better to just get all of this out there and let them see it.

"Disposable," I said, holding his eye.

"Like fuck you are," JJ growled, making a move to get up, but Fox slapped a hand against his chest to stop him.

"Says the man who threw me away and forgot about me," I tossed back, shrugging like I didn't care, like it didn't cut me apart to say it out loud, like that empty void inside me didn't seem to stretch and stretch endlessly at the admission that I knew I wasn't ever going to have anyone who loved me, chose me, wanted me in a permanent kind of way.

"That's not how it was!" JJ shouted and this time Fox had to grab his arm and force him back down into his seat while I remained unmoving before him.

"Where did you go when you ran