Sinners' Playground (The Harlequin Crew #1) - Caroline Peckham Page 0,104

kept it between the pages of a book by my bed,” I mused. Of course, I’d lost it alongside pretty much everything else I’d ever owned when I’d been dragged away from my home and tossed away like last week’s garbage but I wouldn’t have wanted to keep it then anyway.

"Why are you telling me that?" Fox asked, seeming to have been thrown off of the tirade he'd been about to embark on by my story which was what I’d been aiming for. I was so over the lectures already and I always had been the best at making him break away from them.

I shrugged. "I had the strangest idea that you were going to kiss me that night," I said in a low voice, my gaze dropping to his mouth for a brief moment.

"Did you want me to?" he asked, seeming way too keen to hear the answer to that question.

"Yes. And no."

"What does that mean?" Fox demanded.

"That you used to make my heart race and my skin tingle whenever you touched me. That sometimes I dreamed about what a kiss from you might taste like."

Fox made a low noise in the back of his throat, shifting closer to me so that his legs pressed to mine and I parted my thighs to let him move to stand between them.

"But I used to be so afraid of that too,” I added. “Because if I kissed you - any of you - I was almost certain everything would change. And I was more afraid of that than anything in the world. The four of you were everything to me."

"Rogue." Fox's throat bobbed and I watched the movement like I was hungry for it, just the way I had that night sitting up in the little carriage watching the moon turn deepest orange above the waves.

"Maybe I shouldn't have held back," I replied. "Maybe I should have found out if a kiss from you would have been as sweet as I dreamed it would."

"I copped out," he said. "I got you up there all alone, didn't tell any of the others, brought you a flower and then when it came to it...I guess I wasn't man enough yet. But I don't have that problem now."

He leaned towards me with intent but I shook my head. "The problem is, I'm not that girl anymore. And you're not that boy. I wanted you then because that was when I thought that you and the others were my whole world. It was when I could look past every shitty, crappy thing in this place and see all of you and know it was going to be okay because I'd always have you. So I guess I should be thanking you really. You opened my eyes to the reality of my life. My worth. You taught me not to live on prayers and wishes and to accept the shit that was thrown my way. You taught me not to rely on anyone."

"We need to talk about what happened when you left," he growled, gripping my arms and pulling me upright so that we were nose to nose. "There are things I don't think you understand. Reasons-"

"Excuses, you mean," I interrupted. "Because that's all they are. But if you want to try and plead your case with me then I'm all ears. I'd just love to hear what made my boys throw me away like last week's trash. I'd love to understand why I never heard from you again. Why you sent me to that woman. Why none of you ever even tried to come look for me-"

"We were trying to protect you," Fox said in a low tone. "We were trying to-"

"I hate you, Fox Harlequin," I hissed right in his face, almost close enough to touch my lips to his and let him drown me once and for all, but that wasn’t going to happen. "I hate all of you unlike I've ever hated anything. And you know why that is?"

"Why?" he asked, his voice rough, fingers curling tight around my waist, gripping the bare skin beneath my dripping wet shirt like he never wanted to let me go. But it was too late for that.

"Because you were all I had. And you knew it. When I killed Axel, you wiped the blood from my skin and promised me you'd make it right. All of you did. And then you kicked me to the curb and forgot all about me."

"We never forgot you, Rogue.