too close then and she went away a weekend begging she had to, would I let her go because she needed to stay in circulation just so she could still stay exciting to me. She said let's play with each other's emotions. Torture each other with jealousy, let's George betray the faith we have in each other and build it all up again after. And just this one weekend with the blond brute, so she could walk in the gates of the college and the blond brute could brag about how she was his date. She came back to me with not much to say except when she talked about it she got shifty eyed and started breathing heavily. Then she said I hate the way you are, you never tried to stop me.
"George, I got an engagement tonight after dinner, so you don't mind we can call a car maybe to take you back."
"I see."
Shirl when she says things picks something up off a table. Puts it back. Then she goes towards the kitchen and talks over her shoulder. Wags her behind. A neat compact soft thing in the days when I was in a position to feel it. I suppose if I just went up to her now and touched it. But I have no right to presume in our separated state that I could lay hand on this part of her. There's little more than I can take of this kind of thing, because I ought to take her and the dress off and give her a boot out in the snow. No one around here to complain, Mr. Smith seen driving the stitchless Mrs. Smith into the elements. I own this land.
"George, you're wearing your sense of ownership on your face."
"It's my face. You've got your own face."
"Gee thanks George."
"Anytime. What's your engagement."
"Interested. You want to come. These people are dying to meet you. Because you've got such a weird reputation. The way you swam at the island picnic last year. Everyone was impressed the way you dove into the cold water and stroked superbly out to the float, the masterful smoothness of your movements, I personally know for a fact all ladies were desperate to wiggle out of bathing garments and dive after you."
"Are you finished."
"George if you saw yourself. If you hadn't been so flamboyant no one would have minded."
"I almost drowned. That's not amusing. I took a very discreet dive. I have never tried to show off swimming."
"Sometimes I wonder where all the big strong men in this world have gone. If there ever were any."
"I was drowning. Big strong men can drown as well as people like myself. I mean I'm not all that weak."
"Boxing and wrestling lessons at The Game Club."
"Who told that."
"Never mind. Got your face beat in, too, I heard."
"Balls. Who told you that. I want to know where you got that information."
"Ittle George."
"Shut up, Shirl."
"I guess this is just like all our weekends. O you're just one big great long bluff."
"I reject that."
"George what's that. Hey what's that red thing. You're not wearing long red underwear."
"I'll wear whatever I feel like and stop torturing me."
"George, you're made for it. Look at what I had to do to make you masterful And soon as I made you masterful and you made money -"
"Do not mention money, Shirl."
"So anyway I made you masterful."
"I'm masterful myself."
"The only time traffic will stop for you, George, is when you're dead."
"Get me my galoshes."
Dust sifting through the sunlight. When the silence gets terrible and Shirl sees an ash white face on a once gentle Smith. Like a sudden thoughtful finger up to her lips.
"George. I'm sorry I said that."
"It's all right, get me my galoshes."
"I really am sorry I said it. I wish I didn't say it. Strike me for saying it, George. Strike me anywhere you want."
"I'll get the galoshes myself."
"George I beg of you to strike me for saying it. I say the wrong things. That come into my head and I wish you wouldn't listen."
Shirl silent at the door. Leaving it open with the chill wind rushing into the house as George walked out. The lane along the orchard, in summer such a sweet place of tall grass and black snakes. And now they must be sleeping under the rocks. And it seemed on the air that a voice shouted something more but it got cold and hushed. Snow plow moving down the road, leaving a wide track and high drifts.