“I’m fine,” I clip. I almost laugh—derisively, of course—because even the simplest of things are now tainted with memories. And as much as I’d like not to be, I’m dangerously aware of the irony of using that word.
“Did…did something happen on your date the other night?”
I narrow my eyes, and she steps up to the edge of the island tentatively, resting her hands on the top of it.
“Why would you think that?”
“You’ve… Well, you’ve kind of been in a…” She swallows. “Bad mood ever since you got back from your date Sunday night.”
Back from my date. Sunday night. With…Christ, what was her name? Laura? Lauren?
Lucy? Yes, that’s it. Sweet, pretty Lucy. The woman who did absolutely nothing wrong yet didn’t have a chance in hell at keeping me at that bowling alley for very long after I witnessed Holley storm away from the table behind our lane with more than a little discomfort in her eyes. I tried to watch where she went—to be able to follow her—but between the crowd and Lucy asking me if I was okay, I lost track of her.
Seeing her like that and not being able to do anything about it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through, and I’ve been through some hard shit—foster care, BUD/S training, my time in the field as a SEAL, raising Chloe alone.
I don’t want anything about Holley to be another item on that list, but she didn’t give me a choice.
She shut me out—pushed me away—not the other way around.
And unfortunately for Lucy, instead of being a good guy and attempting to finish the date, I played the role of fucking coward—a role that doesn’t exactly come naturally to former SEAL.
I ended the night before we’d even finished our first game by feeding her a lie about there being an emergency with Chloe and needing to get home.
Yeah. I even involved my daughter in my bullshit.
Talk about a fucking prick of a move, right? Trust me, I am not proud of any of it.
Seeing Chloe standing there across from me, waiting for answers I don’t know how to give, just makes me feel that much worse.
“What’s going on, Dad?” Chloe asks again when I don’t offer any sort of comment on her painfully true observation. “What happened? I mean, it’s so obvious that something is going on with you since—”
I shake my head. “Chloe—”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll work itself out, Dad. The party is Friday, and I’m sure—”
I cut her off, slicing through the air with a chop of my arm. “No. No stupid fucking contest. No more Bachelor Anonymous. I’m done with the whole thing. I don’t need to go to the party. I want out of it.”
Her eyes widen. I’ve never been so careless with the way I speak to her before, and we both know it. Still, she powers on, her voice a whisper.
“Dad, be serious. You have to go.”
“No, Chloe, I don’t. I did this for you, and you know what? You were right. I needed to open myself up, but it didn’t work out. I didn’t find relationship potential or love in any of these women. Which means I don’t need to go put on some mockery of a show Friday night and act like I actually did.”
“I don’t believe you,” she says sternly, a tone I’ve never heard her use with me before. It seems we’re both sailing through new waters today.
My eyebrows pull together. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t believe you actually think you didn’t find love because of this thing. I mean, come on, Dad.”
“Chloe, I didn’t.”
She squints her eyes at me. “You’re so full of it.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’ve never lied to me in your life, so there’s no reason to start now unless you’re also lying to yourself.” She throws both hands up in the air. “Which you totally are!”
“Chloe.”
“Dad, be real with yourself and me,” she says, her voice a near whisper. “She fits us. She’s the perfect mix of right for you and right for me, and you know it. She’s fun and funny, and I don’t want to think about her not being around.”
Only one person comes to mind—Holley.
It’s no surprise she’s my first thought. She’s never really even left the center of any of them. She’s the reason I’m so angry. She’s the reason I stopped the date with Lucy abruptly when I looked back and didn’t see her sitting at the table