and start to walk away, but he reaches out and grabs my arm, turning me to face him. He holds me there, and I do my best to turn my flight instinct into fight. It’s the only option I have if he’s going to hold me in place. “Why do you want to talk about this, Jake? So it can be super awkward? This is not a good idea. That’s why I left this morning in the first place.”
It’s why I didn’t answer any of the many calls or texts he placed to me, and it’s why I found somewhere to hide out—somewhere there was no possibility of him finding me—until now. Luckily, my dad is out of town on a fishing trip or I wouldn’t have been able to hide at his house. He would have given me shit, too.
“What’s not a good idea?” he asks, searching my face for answers I don’t have. “Talking about it or what happened?”
“Both!” I snap.
His eyebrows smash together as he scowls, and I have to look away. I can’t stand to see him looking at me like that, and that, too, is the problem.
“I’m way too…close,” I say to the floor. “I never should have gotten this invested with you. This involved in your life. I’m just mucking things up.”
“You really think that?” He forces my chin up with gentle fingers, and I have to look him in the eye.
“You really don’t?”
He considers me for a moment before reaching out to try to grab my hand. I pull it back. I’m way too embarrassed by the mess I’ve made for myself. If my editor knew what I’d done, I’d be fired. If the women he’s been dating knew…they’d start a shitstorm that would make the T-Swift vs. Kim-ye feud look as intimidating as Mr. Rogers’ cardigan sweaters.
Trust me, I should know. I’ve been involved in one before. I was just on the other end of it.
God. I’m practically the other woman!
“I’m not willing to ignore this,” he declares stubbornly, and my panic runs straight up the scale to an eleven.
“Why not?” I plead. “I’m giving you a pass, okay? You don’t have to get bogged down in the details of yet another woman. I’m fine to just move on. Put it behind us. Focus on the contest and figuring out which one of these women you’d like to pursue something with, okay?”
“That’s what I’m trying to do, Holley!” he blurts out on a rush. “If you would just listen to me—”
“No!” I finally shout, breaking my wrist free of his grip. “I can’t, okay? I can’t do this! Last night was a mistake, Jake. Just move on.” The nanosecond those words leave my lips, I have the urge to reach out into the air and shove them right back down my throat.
But it’s too late.
The damage has already been done, and goddamn, why does it feel like my chest is going to crack in half?
He stares at me so hard I feel like I might faint, but the moment is broken when a tentative voice calls out from our side. “Sorry, but am I in the right place?”
It’s Lucy, Jake’s date for tonight.
I barely hold back from crying at her timing.
Jake doesn’t turn his eyes away from me, though, and I’m left to wade into the breach. Swallowing hard, I make the right decision for both of us. Any other option…just isn’t an option.
It’s all too messy.
Turning to Lucy, I throw on a bright smile. It’s fake, yes, but at least it’s something. Jake still looks like he ate bad seafood for lunch. “Yes!” I say so chirpily I sound like a fucking bird. “You are! Sorry about the confusion, it’s just been a little stressful.”
She smiles tentatively then, holding out a hand to Jake for him to take.
He stares at me for a long moment, a million things playing across his face before he finally, apparently, lands on something in mine.
When he opens his eyes from a blink, the contact is gone, and so is everything I’m used to feeling between us. His energy, as it were, has completely shifted to Lucy.
It’s what I wanted—desperately needed, even. I just don’t know why it feels so shitty.
I literally just told him to focus on Lucy, and that’s what he’s doing. For the first time on record, a man has actually listened, and yet, it doesn’t entirely feel like a victory.