Silenced by the Yams - By Karen Cantwell Page 0,12

and meet us at Dr. Horner’s office—I had his mother safe and sound.

At the dentist’s office, Bethany and Mama Marr waited while Amber and I went back to see Dr. Judi Horner. She was her usual friendly self and made Amber very comfortable while she looked at the broken teeth. Luckily, they were her two bottom baby teeth that were already loose anyway. She applied some topical anesthetic and popped them out. Amber didn’t feel a thing and she was ecstatic that she had two teeth to give the tooth fairy that night.

Judi walked us to the front desk and handed Amber’s file to the receptionist. “Please take care of Mrs. Marr,” she said to the young woman.

“As soon as I finish with Mr. Stevens,” the assistant responded.

“Barb, it was good to see you again,” Judi said.

I nodded. “You too. Are you going to be at Roz Walker’s farewell party?”

She tidied the brochure and business card holders that sat on the desk. “Hopefully. It’s the same night as Emily’s brownie troop meeting and since I’m the leader, I just have to see if another mom can cover for me.”

Inwardly, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs: “How do you do it woman? Full-time job, two kids, Brownies, Academic Boosters, Band Boosters, and Drama Boosters?! Are you human?”

Outwardly, I smiled. “I hope it works out. I’d love to see you there. And thank you, again for seeing Amber so quickly today.”

She assured me that it was no problem at all and mentioned that we should get Amber and her daughter Emily together for a play date soon.

The tall, nicely-suited man standing next to me, who I assumed to be Mr. Stevens, spoke up. “Pardon my interruption, but are you Barbara Marr?”

“Um . . .”

“ChickAtTheFlix.com?” he pressed.

“Yes,” I admitted, hesitantly. “That’s my site.”

He grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. “Thank you,” he said with a large smile growing across his face.

“For what?”

“My wife would never watch action movies with me until I introduced her to your website. Now, not only does she watch them, she loves them, and I have to admit, I’m finding that chick flicks are pretty fun as well.”

I smiled. “Wow. I’m so glad. I never thought my website would help save marriages, too.” Mostly I was relieved that he didn’t mention the morning’s news item since that was my first fear when he recognized me.

The receptionist handed him his invoice. “You’re all set, Mr. Stevens. We’ll see you in six months.”

He handed me the piece of paper and a pen. “Here,” he said, “would you mind autographing this for me? So she’ll believe me?”

Judi seemed surprised and pleased that I had a fan.

I’d never thought that my first autograph would be on the back of an invoice for a dental cleaning and fluoride treatment. It wasn’t very glamorous. “Sure.” I took the pen from him. “I guess. What should I write?”

By now, Mama Marr was standing behind me, curiously observing my moment of fame.

The man said, “Just say, ‘To Liza’ and sign your name.”

I did as he asked. He shook my hand again and left, leaving me stunned and a little embarrassed by the attention. The entire waiting room had witnessed our exchange.

“Wow, Judi,” I said. “I’m going to have to come to the dentist more often. You have patients with very good taste in websites.”

“He was nice,” Amber said sweetly as the door closed behind him.

“Yes, he was,” I agreed and patted her soft head of curls.

Her face was angelic as she gave a nod and added with great sincerity, “He’s well-hung, too.”

Uh oh.

Here’s the thing: scientists really need to get to work on inventing that beaming transportation device from Star Trek. Not so we can explore brave new worlds and boldly go where no man has gone before. No. We need it for mothers whose child has just unleashed the most embarrassing comment of the century before an entire room of people with perfect hearing. Every mother on the planet would carry a communicator, and when the unbearable moment occurred, we’d calmly flip it open. “Scotty,” we’d say. “Beam me up.”

“Where?” Scotty would ask.

“Anywhere but here,” we’d say.

But alas, science hasn’t progressed that far yet, so there I stood on planet earth—pale, wide-eyed, and speechless.

The sudden silence in Dr. Judi Horner’s dental office was deafening.

And I still had to pay my bill.

Mama Marr broke the awkward moment by piping up. “What does this mean, well-hung?” She said the last two words so