main reason why Commander Yi wishes for your return, though he seemed reluctant to admit it. No military official will openly admit that they need the help of a girl.”
I almost smiled, but it was difficult to feel complete joy these days. “A new inspector…”
“Yes, a new one.” Ryun swallowed hard and a shade of gloom passed over his countenance. “Sometimes I forget that Inspector Han is really gone. But he is, Seol. And he would have wanted you to move on. Don’t look back for him too long.”
* * *
I lived a walkable distance to the sea.
I inched cautiously alongside the edge of a cliff, the sea spray soaking my face and ragged dress, until I found the trail that descended all the way down. The pebbles crunched beneath my steps as I landed on the shore, and I stumbled across and crawled onto the rocks that reached far into the waters. I stretched out my arms on either side of me, and after a few cautious steps, my balance grew steadier. The mist lifted and I stood before the sea, which lapped against the rock where starfish and clams clung. A black crab skittered by.
I unclenched my fist and stared at the crumpled letter in my hand. Ryun had given me a black-lacquered document box, the one I’d seen before in Inspector Han’s office. “My master must have felt vulnerable,” Ryun had explained when I’d asked him why the inspector hadn’t given the box to me himself, for he’d had the chance to do so. “The letters within, they are his heart, and he has never been good at sharing his innermost being.”
I had brought with me the most recent page Inspector Han had left behind. As I stared at it, I wondered if my memories of the capital were all a dream. I wondered if I had ever known the inspector, or if I had even found the haunted mansion where our history had met in the form of an old pine tree bent into the shape of a river.
I waited. It took a while for him to appear in my mind, and when he did, I saw his long and thin face, his high nose, his brown eyes that were filled with light. What were his eyes seeing and witnessing now?
I looked out at the expanse and knew where he had gone.
He had sunk into the sea of rebirth, into the rushing of ten thousand rivers. Closing my eyes, I prayed to the heavens that in his next life, orabeoni would be surrounded by people whose hearts brimmed with kindness. And I would brim with kindness to those around me, because my brother could be anywhere. His life could be hidden in the form of a child, an ant, or a blind turtle adrift in the waters.
Perhaps, if I listened closely, I might even hear his heartbeat come from the depth of the sea.
TWENTY-FOUR
INSPECTOR HAN’S LAST LETTER TO THE DEAD
The great rainy season continues. I traveled through the mire and went to Inchon Prefecture to speak with Older Sister, to see where you had grown up, but I turned back at the gate of her hut, deciding that I could not face our past. You want and need from me what I do not know how to provide. I can do so through my imagination by writing this letter to you, but not in person. I would not know how to be the brother you long for.
I turned to travel back to the capital, where I am wanted. On the way, I looked to the east, and can you imagine what I saw, Little Sister? I saw the memory of you during our journey to Suwon, laughing and shaking as you rode through the overflowing grassland. I was glad to see you so amused and grateful to see how you had grown.
Older Sister and I did not think you would live past your tenth winter. When you were a child, every time I left to collect wood, you fell ill. You were so weak and your stomach so sensitive.
It bewilders me how you returned so capable and clever. Now you are taller than most men in the bureau. Your bones still look brittle enough to break, except you know how to protect others. It is hard to believe, but you are not a child anymore. You grew up and now you are strong without me.
Perhaps much later when Older Sister is sixty and you are forty-seven, we will greet each other again and our hearts will brim with fullness.