two million pound price range. All of them modern and pristine. My spirits get lower and lower as the hot afternoon progresses, and I draw further and further away from them as they stride through the houses, discussing every detail.
I can’t contribute to any of this, I think despairingly, looking at Gideon’s head in front of me in the car as we drive to the next house. How can I? If we live somewhere like these places, I’ll always be a freeloader trailing along in his shadow. It’ll be the end of us, but I can’t articulate this to him. I’ve grown used to being the one who’s confident and knowledgeable, so it’s painful to be the unsure one now.
His hair blows in the breeze from the open car window, the silver strands showing up starkly for a second. I look at his profile – the sharp nose, the high cheekbones – and my stomach clenches. Why can’t it just be us? Why is this so bloody complicated?
Julian starts talking about the next house, and I sigh, but at that moment, Gideon sends his hand back. I slide my own into his, and he squeezes before glancing at me with a soft smile. It’s tinged with concern, but it’s one hundred percent love.
“What do you want to look at, Eli?” he says, breaking abruptly into Julian’s spiel. “Be honest, because none of these are working for you.”
“I don’t know,” I say desperately, wishing we were on our own. “They’re all just too much.”
“Well, the ones at the lower end of the price you gave me were ridiculous for the two of you,” Julian breaks in, his expression slightly sneering. “You couldn’t swing a cat in those places.”
“We haven’t got a cat,” I say sharply. “Which is lucky for the poor animal, if we were intending to chuck it around like a boomerang.”
Gideon snorts.
Julian shoots me a glance in the mirror. “Maybe you’d like to contribute to the search then, Mr Jones,” he says sweetly. “Actually give me something to go on.”
“I don’t know,” I say, looking out of the window. We’re steering carefully down the winding overgrown lanes near Fowey at the moment, and I see a For Sale sign hove into view. “How about that one?” I say carelessly. “Let’s look at that one.”
The house will likely be all wrong, but I’m so fucking fed up with this day. I want to go back to the cottage and fall on the bed and bury my head under a pillow.
Julian brakes slightly. “It is one of ours,” he says. “But I didn’t think of showing it to you. It needs a lot of work. And it’s on the river, so there’s the privacy aspect.”
“Well, let’s have a look,” Gideon says, staring at me, his expression inscrutable.
Julian shrugs and flicks the indicator. “I’ll have to ring the office. Someone can bring the keys out. It’s empty, luckily, so we won’t have to arrange a viewing.”
He drones on, and I stare out of the window as we travel down a long, curved driveway. The bushes to each side need cutting back, and I catch the sweet hawthorn scent as the branches scrape against the car. I smile at Julian’s curse. Gideon’s mouth twitches at me, before he turns his attention back to the front.
I look up curiously as we come out onto an overgrown forecourt in front of a large detached Victorian house. The bay windows are obviously rotten, and the whole house looks dilapidated and careworn with peeling paintwork and dull windows.
Julian stops the car and reaches for his phone, and I get out, stretching my arms and staring around. It’s a hot afternoon, and the sun beats down on me. It’s very quiet; the only sound is that of bees buzzing and cheerful birdsong. I sniff and inhale the scent of lilac and a deeper, darker smell which is probably the estuary.
I pace across the forecourt, hearing the gravel crunch under my feet. It’s peculiarly peaceful here. Quiet, but very welcoming. As if the house has been waiting for us, I think fancifully. I walk up the steps to the front door and peer through the grimy window to the right. There’s the faint outline of a huge room, and I scrub my hand through the dirt to try to see more.
“What do you think?” Gideon asks.
I turn to him. “It’s—” I search for words. He’s sure to hate this one. Every house he’s gravitated towards so far has been