“Let’s do it at the same time as your perving-on-guests issues.”
He shrugs happily. “And yet you still give me Gideon Ramsay. Asa, you giant tease.” He winks at me, and I laugh.
“Sorry,” Asa says to Gideon.
“I can’t blame Jude,” Gideon replies. “I suppose when you’ve had hamburger for so long, an expensive steak must be very appealing.”
Jude grins at him as Asa throws his head back and gives a deep laugh. He slaps Gideon on the back. “We’re going to get along just fine.”
Later that night, we settle into bed in the guest room. Gideon leans back against the pillows and arranges me so I’m nestled against him with my head on his shoulder.
“That was a nice evening,” I say sleepily.
The mysterious Peggy had appeared once Molly had been contained and she’d cooked a rich cassoulet. We’d washed it down with red wine and sat talking and laughing until late. Gideon and Asa had seemed to take to one another instantly, and I liked both Asa and Jude immensely. They’re good fun and excellent company. I have that feeling you sometimes get when you meet someone and know that you’re going to be friends.
He kisses the top of my head. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”
“Yes, Van Morrison, you have,” I say solemnly and jerk away when he pinches me.
He pulls me close again. “I do,” he says. “I love being with you, and I adore the way you get on with everyone.”
“I like people,” I say, kissing his chest. “Good job too, considering my career.”
“But you don’t need me with you all the time when you’re with strangers.”
“Well, of course I don’t,” I say, astonished. “I mastered the art of conversation a long while ago, Gid. You do you, and I’ll be fine.”
His arms tighten. “Not too fine, though. I like having you nearby. I like listening for your laugh when we’re in a group. I like looking over and seeing you and thinking that I’m the one who gets to go home with you.”
“I feel the same,” I say, lifting up for a kiss. When our lips separate, I breathe in and say what’s been on my mind all night. “I want this.”
He looks startled. “A house in Devon? I thought we were buying one in Cornwall.”
“No, I want a house full of chaos and noise.”
“That’s no surprise,” he sniffs. “You live to sort out chaos. It’s your raison d’être.”
“There’s a posh word,” I say. I pause with my heart hammering. “I want kids, too,” I say softly.
“What?” He says this in his loud thespian voice and I shush him hastily. “You want kids?”
I nod. “A whole house of them.”
“Can you purchase them from Hedonism Wines? Because I’m sure I’ve got an account with them.”
“Gideon,” I say in a warning voice, and he hugs me, inhaling deeply and kissing the top of my head. I take the scent of spicy vanilla into my nose and heart.
“Tell me,” he says slowly.
“I always imagined having a big house full of children laughing. I want sticky hugs and tantrums and funny conversations and someone who I can love with my whole heart. I want that with you.” He hums contemplatively. “What are you thinking?” I ask anxiously. Have I put him off me? Is that too big a dream for us?
“My heart sometimes hurts when I’m with you,” he says almost casually.
I sit up. “What?”
He nods, smiling calmly. “At first I thought it was a heart attack, but now I just know that it’s love.”
I stroke his face. “And is that a bad thing?”
“God, no,” he says earnestly. “It’s the best.” He looks at me and shrugs. “Maybe,” he says slowly. “Can we leave it at maybe for now? I’ve only just got used to loving you this much. Having children might detract from that and what you feel for me, and I’m not convinced that I’m selfless enough for that yet.” I open my mouth to argue but close it as he carries on talking. “But I am saying that maybe after we’ve travelled for a few years, we can think about it. I want to see the world with you first.”
“You’ll be there now, in a minute,” I say finally, as I gaze at his profile in the moonlight.
“What?” He stares at me with a smile tilting his mouth. “That’s one of your Welsh expressions again, isn’t it?”
“It is, cariad.” I consider him. “I can work with maybe.”