Both of them immediately grew sober. "Of course," said Zdorab.
"We were just discussing our marriage," said Shedemei.
Shedemei could see the relief spread over Nafai's face as if the shadow of a cloud had just passed. "You're going ahead and doing it," he said.
"We were just stubborn enough to want to wait until it was our idea," said Zdorab.
"I believe it," said Nafai.
"In fact," said Zdorab, "we ought to go tell Rasa and Volemak, and besides, you wanted to use the Index."
"I did, but not if you're not done with it," said Nafai.
"It'll still be here," said Shedemei, "when we're ready for it again." And in moments they were outside the tent, heading for - where?
Zdorab took her by the hand and led her to the cookfire. "Dol was supposed to be watching here," he said, "but she usually runs off - she needs her little nap, you know. It doesn't matter - I let Yobar touch the cookpot once, and he must have spread the word about how it feels, because the boons don't come anywhere near here now, even when it smells as good as this."
It did smell good.
"How did you learn to cook?"
"My father was a cook," said Zdorab. "It was the family business. He was good enough that he was able to afford to send me to Basilica to study, and I learned a lot of what he knew. I think he'd be proud of what I've been able to do in these piss-poor conditions."
"Except the camel cheese."
"I think I've found an herb that will improve it," said Zdorab. He lifted the lid of the cookpot. "I'm trying it tonight - there's twice as much cheese in this as usual, but I don't think anybody will mind." He lifted the stirring spoon and she saw how cheesily the liquid strung and glopped off of it.
"Mmm," she said. "Can't wait."
He detected the irony in her voice. "Well, it's not as though you don't have ample reason to be suspicious of anything that looks like it might taste like the cheese, but I figure that we've all had years of loving cheese and only a couple of months of hating it, so I should be able to win you all back if I do it right. And we will need the cheese - it's too good a source of animal protein for all the nursing mothers we're going to have."
"You've got it all planned out," she said.
"I have plenty of time to myself, to think," he said.
"In a way," she said, "you're really the leader of this group."
"In a way," he said, "you'd best not say that in front of anyone else or they'll be sure you've lost your mind."
"You're the one who decides what we'll eat and when, where we'll void ourselves, what we'll plant in the garden, and you guide us around in the Index - "
"But if I do it right, no one ever notices," he said.
"You take responsibility for us all. Without ever waiting to be told."
"So do all good people," he said. "That's what it means to be a good person. And I am a good person, Shedya."
"I know that now," she said. "And I should have known it before. I interpreted all you did as weakness - but I should have known that it was wisdom and strength, freely shared with all of us, even the ones who don't deserve it."
And now at last it was time for tears to come to his eyes. Just a little shining, but she saw, and knew that he knew that she saw. It occurred to her that their marriage would be far more than the sham she had intended. It could be a real friendship, between the two people who had least expected to find friends and companions on this journey.
He stirred the pottage and then replaced the lid, leaving the spoon hooked over the side.
"I imagine this is the safest place we could come and talk, if we didn't want to be disturbed or overheard," she said. "Because I don't imagine anybody ever comes near the cookfire if they can help it, for fear of being asked to work."
Zdorab chuckled. "I'll always be glad for your company while I'm working here, as long as you understand that cooking is an art, and I do concentrate on it sometimes while I do it."
"I hope I can tell you things so stimulating and interesting that you ruin the soup sometimes."