said Issib. "Just one of those times in life when things don't go your way but you still have to live with it."
Rasa looked at Issib, at the steady way he regarded her, and knew that he was reminding her that nothing the Oversoul was doing to her right now was even close to being as oppressive as Issib's life in a defective body.
I know that, foolish boy, she thought. I know perfectly well that your life is awful, and that you complain about it very little. But that was unpreventable and remains incurable. Perhaps the Oversoul's refusal to tell us what's going on is also unpreventable and incurable, in which case I'll try to bear it with at least as much patience as you. But if I can cure it, I will - and I won't let you shame me into accepting something that I may not have to accept.
"What the Oversoul can't tell us for the asking," said Rasa, "we might be able to find out on the sly."
"What do you think Zdorab and I have been working on?"
Ah. So Issib wasn't really being fatalistic about it, either. But then another thought occurred to her. "What does your father think you've been working on?"
Issib laughed. "Not that" he said.
Of course not. Volemak wouldn't want to see the Index used to subvert the Oversoul. "Ah. So the Oversoul isn't the only one that doesn't tell others what she's doing."
"And what do you tell, Lady Mother?" asked Issib.
What an interesting question. Do I tell Volemak what Issib is doing and run the risk of Volya trying to ban his son from using the Index? And yet I have never kept secrets from Volemak.
Which brought her back to the decision she had made earlier that day, to tell Volemak about what happened in the desert - about Elemak passing a sentence of death on Nafai. That could also have awful consequences. Did she have the right to cause those consequences by telling? On the other hand, did she have the right to deprive Volemak of important information?
Issib didn't wait for her answer. "You know," he said, "the Oversoul already knows what we're trying to do, and hasn't done a thing to stop us."
"Or else has done it so well you don't know she's doing it," said Rasa.
"If the Oversoul felt no need to tell Father, then is it so urgent, really, for you to do so?"
Rasa thought about that for a moment. Issib thought he was asking only about his own secret, but she was deciding about both. This was the Oversoul's expedition, after all, and if anyone knew and understood human behavior, it was the Oversoul.
She knows what happened on the desert, just as she knows what Issib and Zdorab are doing with the Index. So why not leave it up to the Oversoul to decide what to tell?
Because that's exactly what Zdorab and Issib are trying to find a way to circumvent - the Oversoul's power to make all these decisions about telling or not telling. I don't want the Oversoul deciding what I can or cannot know - and yet here I am contemplating treating my husband exactly as the Oversoul treats me. And yet the Oversoul really did know better than Rasa whether Volemak should be informed about these things.
"I really hate dilemmas like this," said Rasa.
"So?"
"So I'll decide later," she said.
"That's a decision, too," said Issib.
"I know that, my clever firstborn," said Rasa. "But that doesn't mean it's a permanent one."
"You haven't finished your bread," said Issib.
"That's because there's camel cheese in it."
"Really vile stuff, isn't it," said Issib. "And you wouldn't believe how it constipates you."
"I can't wait."
"That's why none of the rest of us ever eat it," said Issib.
Rasa glared at him. "So why is there so much in the coldbox?"
"Because we share it with the baboons. They think it's candy."
Rasa looked at her half-eaten sandwich. "I've been eating baboon food." Then she laughed. "No wonder Yobar came into the kitchen tent! He thought I was preparing a treat for him!"
"Just wait till you actually give him a piece of cheese, and he tries to mate with your leg."
"I get goose bumps just thinking about it."
"Of course, I've only seen him do it with Father and Zdorab. He might be a zhop, in which case he'll just ignore you."
Rasa laughed, but Issib's crude little joke about the baboon being a homosexual made her think. What if the Oversoul had brought someone along in their